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Did any of you ever readElla Enchanted?

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It is a childrens classic, highly recommend.

Joe and Beck are back together, but their snuggles are disrupted by Joes subconscious.

He screams himself awake thinking of Candace.

Where did they find this guy?

I hope some of this is covered by insurance.

So now we finally get those long-awaited Candace flashbacks.

Well, Candace was a LOT more interesting before I actually got to know her.

She could have been anyone!

Make hera descendant of the Romanovs!

Promiscuous musician is not a personality.

Being in a band called Heathcliffs Misery (extreme eye roll) is also not a personality.

Her cheating is so flagrant, its like she didnt care whether or not she got caught.

This is the woman Joe is still obsessed with?

Because as Beck discovers, Joe was wrecked when things ended with Candace.

only to have that thing resolve itself, off-screen, with an anti-climactic phone call.

Didnt Beck want to at least swipe a gun from Peachs abandoned belongings for this adventure?

But no, Beck goes to Joes place having taken zero precautions, and Joe proceeds to gaslight her.

Uh, Beck: Women who are trying to not be found by their insane exes!)

Becks heart knows that Joe could never homicide.

(100 percent chance Joe pushed him down the stairs, right?)

Who knew sharing my darkest secrets would make me feel so light?

Joe asks in the narration, to which I say, out loud, Umm, everyone.

At this point Joe declares that he knows something crucial: There IS no Emma Fox from Brown.

He attacks John Stamos, forces him to unlock his phone, and his darkest fears are realized.

Which, okay, I have SO many questions.

Also, once Beck started screwing her therapist, shekeptseeing him for therapy?

Joe word-vomits his horror at Beck, trotting out his classic virgin-whore hangups (Hes been DEFILING you!)

Are you or were you ever fucking your therapist?

withhis veins doing that Keri Russell pop out of his forehead!

At this point, I am concerned for everyone involved.

The shit he stole from her apartment, including her underwear.

Peach and Benjis phones.

A LITTLE JAR OF TEETH.

Big year for hiding your murder victims teeth.One more makes a trend!

(Also: This is why you always take your phone with you when you pee!

For this very specific but dangerous emergency!)

Dont give a shot to seem polite!

When Joe slams the door on her, I admit: I gasped.

She is screaming and no one can hear her.

And because Blythe made her get off social media, no one will even find this absence suspicious!!

How long will it take her self-absorbed friends to figure out shes MIA?

Or my fervent hope, my only prayer is Ethan the knight weve been waiting for?