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It is the first post-Pretty Little Liarseffort of Shay Mitchell, a.k.a.
It is the hardest-to-Google new show in your fall calendar.
Its a Wait,what?-watch.
It is bonkers from start to finish, absurd throughout, a deranged and bizarro experience for us all.
Obviously it is myhonorto recapYoufor you.
(This is not the most eyeroll-inducing name in the series!
Women just dont like wearing bras, buddy!
Joe needs us to know this kid is Good People, ergo: a leather-boundThe Three Musketeers.
This is basically the relationship between Belle and the bookseller in her small provincial town.
He settles in for a cozy night of spelunking into Becks internet presence.
Your social medias a liar, Joe reports.
It says, youre a happy-go-lucky dilettante.
But underneath it all, you seem like the genuine article.
Joe rapidly learns Becks home address.
Beck lives on the ground floor of a building with giant windows and no curtains,oooookay.
Joe hates all of Becks friends, who are wealthy and therefore bad.
Unlike her friends including Shay Mitchell, whose name is Peach Beck is broke, and therefore good.
Also, he shows up in a taxi (not an Uber?).
His name is Benjamin J. Ashbey III (remember, rich = bad).
Im not sure why Benji needs to be so comically horrid.
I guess so we are somewhat sympathetic to the psycho that is Joe?
Youre never too broke for self-care!
Anyway,Joe makes like Harvey Weinstein and jerks off into a plant.
Really: He masturbates in the bushes across the street from her apartment.
Everyone stop reading this right now and set your Instagram and Facebook toprivate.
All your libraries should be underground.
The most valuable things in life are usually the most helpless, Joe says.
Time to readDon Quixote, from which Joe definitely got all the right ideas!
Where does Joe get off puttingwordsandideasinto this de facto orphans head?
Then again, Ron knows that Joe is a freak.
Hey, even a broken clock.
Professor Obvious wants to fuck you, Joe observes, not incorrectly.
Love a good cliche!
Her professor chides for being way behind on work, and Beck is too stressed/busy/etc.
to get it done by deadline.
He suggests she move to part-time, but if she does, shell lose her housing.
She says, like the most desperate character (heyyy), Icantgo to part time.
The only way they can discuss this is over a drink.
Cant imagine how that could go sideways.
Beck returns home while Joe is still rummaging through her things.
Beck succeeds in dragging her girls to a bar where they serve pickleback shots.
She toasts to vulnerability and shit before doing a sloshed reading of her poem at an open mic.
The room is wildly indifferent.
A man asks her why she is so sad.
It is so painful that even Joe cannot bear to watch it.
She nearly dies trying to save her phone.
She promptly vomits on his face.
As she chugs water (but did they buy mints or gum or anything?!
), Beck eyes Joe.
I dont want to sound like a stalker, but I think I know you.
100% chance that bitch is dead in a ditch somewhere outside Milwaukee right now.
Nothing offends Ron like classic literature.
I tried to stop him!
wails this Dickensian waif.
This is followed by a borderline-pornographic sequence about how to repair a book.
Meanwhile, Joe catfishes Benji by pretending to be the culture guy fromNew YorkMagazine!
I amextremelyflattered by this.
This alone raises the premiere to three stars from the two I was originally allotting it.
Benji isstoked,bruh.
For this act of insufferable hipsterdom, Benji gets a mallet to the head.
