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Spritzing myself with Katy Perrys perfume felt like a cry for help.
On August 9, 2018, all of that changed.
I found a sweatshirtfeaturing Ariana Grande fingering the Earth.
Purchasing the concept in the form of clothing seemed like a natural and healthy choice.
My sister texted me at 7:55 p.m.: did u get ur merch yet
no did you!
nope, she said.
I also realized Id been instructed to wait 4-6 weeks for the sweatshirts to ship.
I told my sister that it had not yet been six weeks, so we still had to wait.
oof we r so impatient she said.
It was the last time we would laugh.
Thus began my one-sided, emotionally withholding, deeply unsatisfying long-distance relationship with the Ariana Grande Official Store.
I ordered my merch six weeks ago and still havent received it.
Can it be shipped this week?
Two days passed until I received a reply.
Hi there, began the email from the Ariana Grande Official Store.
Thanks for reaching out to us.
This item is a pre-order item and will be shipping 4-6 weeks after the order date.
Once it ships, youll receive an email containing tracking information on your order.
Feel free to contact us if you have any other questions.
Thank you for your patience and support.
I read each line with increasing horror.
I was being tricked nay, gaslit by the one person I had trusted, Ariana Grandes Official Store.
Yes, I know, I typed.
Thats why I asked, as its been six weeks since my order date.
Youre reiterating what Ive said in my first email.
I received an email yesterday saying my shipping date notification would be pushed back three weeks.
This is frankly not right is it possible to get this shipped sooner?
The next email was, somehow, worse.
kindly be assured that we will be back in touch in 3-4 weeks with an update regarding your order.
Our correspondence continued in this fashion for weeks.
My replies became more and more despondent and aching; theirs more disaffected and devoid of basic logic.
No matter how many weeks passed, it would always be three to four more weeks.
I was trapped inside a Kafka-esque capitalistic nightmare of my own making.
After my seventh correspondence, I realized: I would be waiting three to four weeks, ad infinitum.
Every three to four weeks, another three to four weeks would begin.
It had been two months since our first correspondence.
My last question posed to the Ariana Grande Official Store was this: Does my order even exist?
Are these sweatshirts even real?
Hi Rachel, wrote Jill from the Ariana Grande Official Store.
Both your orders exist.
Due to an overwhelming response, there has been a production delay regarding your order.
We currently expect your order to ship within the next 2-3 weeks.
Later that day, I purchased more merch, this time from theA Star Is BornOfficial Store.
