Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
You are cordially invited to an elegant housewarming function at the home of Colette and Tad Newman this Saturday.
Local legend suggests that she cursed this land with her dying breath.
Cant wait to show you what weve done with the place!
Colette & Tad Newman
Betty, Bastian!
So glad you could make it.
I see youre admiring that intricately carved turn-of-the-century hope chest.
It belongs to Chrysanthemum, who died from arsenic poisoning on her wedding night in this very room.
Isnt this sitting room a delight?
Personally, Im in love with these leaded glass windows.
The design is actually an ancient glyph representing the Canaanite god Molech.
Hes associated with child sacrifice.
We found that out the hard way when Tads nephew came to visit.
Messy, wasnt it, Tad?
Rufus, Chiquitalets take a turn around the library as we finish our cocktails.
Here, feel it.
Oh, how fun!
Our poltergeist has rearranged the manchego on the charcuterie board to spell GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Tad, take a picture!
Come, let me show you the master bedroom.
The swarm of black flies that congregates on the ceiling is so relaxing.
Tad hasnt had to use his white noise machine in weeks.
Ive never slept better.
This room has such a calming energy.
That Persian rug hanging on the wall is exquisite, isnt it?
Go ahead, peek at whats behind it.
Tad and I like to say that this house has good bonesin more ways than one!
Just walk down the main hallway until your head fills with the sound of foreboding whispers.
Three or four doors down.
If you enter a state of perennial madness, youve gone one door too far.
Shall we retire to the backyard for a long-handled cigarette and a brandy?
We just installed a tennis court atop the site of a cursed Saxon burial ground.
Such a shameshe had a spectacular serve.
See that hunched figure coming through the fog?
Thats our groundskeeper, Button, who has been with the house for decades.
His flaky, diseased skin may be unsightly, but it makes perfect compost for our organic garden.
Tad, show the other gentlemen your man cave.
Tad uses it as a humidor for his cigars.
Im going to die in this house.
I can feel it.
Another brandy, anyone?
