Vanderpump Rules
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
So, lets start with Jax ostensibly quitting his longtime job as a bartender at SUR.
Jax is nothing without that job.
Hes nothing without this show.
Does that mean hes really going to move to Florida and take a job tweeting for a hockey team?
Does that mean well never have to watch him coke rage at his castmates ever again?
The answer to all of that, of course, is no.
This is sort of like thethe ending ofAvengers: Infinity War.
Its the same with Jax.
We know there is another season and it wouldnt be the show without Jax.
He approaches her for freaking out on everyone at the bar a few weeks ago.
Ive ruined everyones life.
I have, he tells her.
I dont know what to do anymore.
Even his apology is selfish.
His entire pity party is selfish.
Lisa tells him as such, saying that its always going to be about him, and shes right.
She also refuses to give him the satisfaction of firing him.
It is making a statement by saying too many words, none of which mean anything.
Still, he says, I dont deserve to work for you.
Its Jax talking about Jax.
He refuses to acknowledge that anyone else has feelings, even when hes purporting to do so.
What he wants is someone to tell him, No, Jax.
But no one will, because he is not.
Speaking of undeserving, what the hell was going on with Stassi and her boyfriend Patrick?
Unlike the casts of other Bravo shows, this crew actually hangs out all the time.
It turns out he didnt want to be around her friendsat all.
It ends with Patrick declaring, I think weve exhausted this.
Does this man have to say every single thought that crosses into his mind?
Is he incapable of quieting his ego long enough to be courteous to someone?
Boy, does Patrick fit the bill.
I dont know if its some sort of flip joke or if hes really just that offensive.
Lisa points out that he is talking about another womans ass in front of his girlfriend.
God, Patrick is like the flu, a UTI, and super gonorrhea all at the same time.
When Lisa leaves, Stassi is the one apologizing.
What does she have to apologize for?
She should apologize to Lisa for what an asshole her boyfriend is.
I mean, get some freaking balls, woman.
Finally were at the end, which is also the beginning.
It is the TomTom Progress Party.
Or maybe it was Wow, I cant believe Lisa is putting up with all of this shit.
Sandoval is making cocktails with dry ice that steam and other ones with chili powder that burn.
This will inevitably lead to a lawsuit when someone gets frostbite on her tongue.
Its very Of all the gin joints in all of the world and very 2016, but not bad.
It is the most Sandoval thing ever to happen.
I loved when Lisa congratulates Lala on her performance at her showcase and how she discovered a newfound confidence.
Lisa tells her that she created a monster and Lala had the perfect retort: You created a badass.
Everyone walked around the corner to Pump in what will now be referred to as the Vanderpump District.
Tom and Tom stayed behind to clean up a little bit.
As Schwartz was picking up the glasses and placing them on the bar, Sandoval came up behind him.
Congratulations, he growled into Schwartzs ear as his arms circled around Schwartzs taut trunk with a loving squeeze.
You ready to really make this our home?
he asked over his shoulder.
He nuzzled Schwartzs neck and bit his ear.
Sandoval backed up just slightly and then rammed forward.
