Vanderpump Rules
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First of all, did we ever find out exactly how Katie fell through a skylight?
Seriously, guys: Im still on that fromlast weeks episodeofVanderpump Rules,The Breakfast Clubrecast with sentient omelets.
Yes, she gets a giant bouquet from porcelain-faced party planner Kevin Lee for calling her.
Could she just write a 500-word essay describing the events leading up to this accident?
Speaking of Katie, this episode is really all about women learning to love their bodies.
Even Ariana finally goes to see a therapist to talk about how she really doesnt like her own vagina.
That is because Ariana is hot.
She is hotter than the surface of Mercury during a solar flare.
She is hotter than the inside of a McDonalds apple pie when you first bite into it.
And I dont mean Lisa.
(I mean Ken Todd.)
She says that feeling sexy is about confidence and confidence is mainly an act.
Arianas inability to have sex is not about drifting away, but about getting too close.
That is something profound.
Does this really look like a girl who wont show her bare skin unless its covered in makeup?
No, it does not, but whatever.
Lala and Scheana show up dressed for Halloween, in that they are just dressed slutty.
They are literally wearing lingerie underneath fur coats.
I get it, theyre hot and want to be slutty.
He looks like a dark wizard or something, or maybe a male witch.
We can call him Male-ificent.
Stassis looked like it was in a half-finished basement on a cul-de-sac somewhere in suburban Atlanta.
It does not look like a classy venue at all, which is good for a death-themed birthday party.
(The irony of that is lost on everyone.)
Kristen was going for a slut in a morgue.
Of course that is what Peter would wear to this death party.
Yeah, Ill do that.
The other person not in any costume at all is Stassis boyfriend, Patrick.
For the first time, I understand why these two are together and they completely deserve each other.
But I also see why they break up so much.
Theyre like the positive poles of two magnets, pushing each other away where there should be attraction.
That is their relationship in a nutshell: Drawing each other in only to push them away.
But it is for Stassi, really.
Want a piece of cake?
