Vanderpump Rules
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Do I think that James is actually gay?
Oh, poor Logan.
Thats how bad I feel for him.
But were getting a little ahead of ourselves.
The least shocking thing in the entire world is that Brittany has a sister named Tiffany.
The only thing surprising at all is that Tiffanys name does not end in ani.
How is all of this gossip coming from Tiffany?
Who do we have to thank for everything that is happening this season?
People like Logan, Tiffany, Faith, Jen, and Lalas boyfriend who weve never even seen.
Second of all, none of them actually care that he might be parking his car at Salami Junction.
(That is a stupid euphemism for being gay that I just invented and I am already ashamed.)
They only care that he might be cheating on his girlfriend Raquel, a sentientLuMee iPhone case.
To which he answers, The whole worldwantsto have sex with James Kennedy.
That is so awful.
I mean, what about that dinner Jax has with Sherri and Tiffany?
He basically tells them that the reason he sleeps with other girls is because Brittany is fat and unmotivated.
As Sherri says, What exactly are you doing withyourtime?
Hes a 40-year-old practitioner of the reality-television arts who cant take steroids anymore because his testicles are completely gone.
What sort of future does he have for himself?
Sure, he hates himself, but hes never hated himself so much that hes willing to change.
A couple of other things come out of Peters party as well.
First of all, everyone gets really freaking wasted really freaking fast.
How did that even happen?
What are they drinking?
(Which he does.)
So it seems like shes not really practicing what she preaches.
Lala, dont preach.
Youre in trouble, deep.
Just look at her nails, he says!
She just wants to take selfies, he says!
Logan, man, Sandoval said.
Why are you crying?
Well, it is his girlfriend, Schwartz said.
I know, Logan said, taking a breath to sniffle up his snot.
But I love him so much.
I dont know what to do without him.
I have an idea, Peter said.
Something that will cheer you up.
He started to fiddle with his belt a little bit, and then undid it.
It might be my birthday, but I think its gonna be your lucky day.
Schwarz tried to join in the fun, but struggled with the simple mechanics of getting his drawers open.
Logan looked up, his eyes quickly drying, and took three steps on his knees towards Schwartz.
c’mon, he said.
