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This isnt my first go-round.
I did two Super Bowl commercials before, but they never made it to the Super Bowl.
They made it to Vimeo.
They used a different one.
How do you usually watch the Super Bowl?
And I saw it and was like, Whoa.
And then I got a date.
But I was just going along with it because I wanted a free meal with him.
And I got it!
So when did Groupon get in touch?
I hope they sent you flowers after yourJimmy Kimmelappearance …No, I didnt hear from them afterJimmy Kimmel!
They didnt want to tell me anything and get my hopes up.
Well hold onto that for later.
Wait, I would totally watch you take celebrities on Groupon excursions.Right?
That would be so much fun.
We could go to local restaurants, or maybe even trips to Ireland or England.
They have trips to Africa, on safaris.
Theres so much cool stuff on there.
Lets turn this Groupon excursion into a romance!
How long can this list be?
However long it needs to be, Tiffany!
Shoot for the moon.Well, lets see.
I would take Michael B. Jordan, I would take Trevor Noah.
Who else would I take?
And Dave Chappelle and his wife, because I already get along with her.
Maybe I can marry both of them!
Ill go to Africa and have two husbands.
I saw thatyou actually met Michael B. Jordanrecently.
Did you keep it together?I got Michael B. Jordans phone number, what are you talkin about?
Hes super cool and down to earth and really nice.
Wow, perfectly played.She said, Okay, and then she buried her face in my wig.
We took the picture and I was like, Is my wig slipping?
And she was like, Mmm-hmm.
But she knew who I was!
She came up to me and was like, I think you are so funny,Tiffany Haddish.
I was like, What?
You know me?!
She said, Im Beyonce.
You two had the biggest fruit-sex scenes of last year.
Did you compare notes?His was way more sexier than mine!
You gota big shout-outfrom the directorPaul Thomas Anderson, who said hes dying to work with you.
Were you excited about that?Ive been talking to him on the telephone!
I mean, he put his phone number out there, so I had to call.
Ive talked to him a few times and were probably gonna work together.
Tease me, Tiffany.
I dont know, I dont know!
Is there this exciting influx of people who are meeting you and saying, We have to work together?
I was like, We should remakeFunny Girl.
And she was like, Who am I going to be, your mother?
Im like, Yes!
Im a foster kid, you could be my mom!
I would love to work with her, it would be a great honor.
And he said, Tiffany Haddish!
I was like, Whaaaaaaaaat?
He knows who I am?
I wonder if hes willing to rap and dance and sing with me on something.
You could be the new Funky Bunch.I would love to be in the Funky Bunch!
How does all that feel?
I didnt know how I was going to get here, but I got here.
And sometimes, its likewhen they asked me to read the Oscar nominations.
I couldnt even go to sleep afterwards!
I dont care if you did make mistakes.
Im so proud of you.
I never, ever thought I would be able to do something awesome like that.
That little foster kid, up there?
I got to go to the party!
Who cares about a damn trophy?
Im just so grateful, and my heart is so full.
That little foster girl …
Sorry, I keep thinking of myself as a child.
So have you gotten to check outDunkirkyet?I had already saw it!
I was just trying to make a joke about it.
It came out the same weekend asGirls Trip, so.
But what if Tiffany Haddish was in charge?
Also, everybody would get a full month off work.
I know other countries get two months, three months, but were America and we work hard.
You would have my vote.
How about your position on diplomacy?I would be nice to everyone.
I would treat everybody with respect until they were disrespectful to me.
And then?We shit onem.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
