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I asked, knowing the name sounded familiar but not able to place it.
Amys a friend from work, he said.
She directedFast Times at Ridgemont High.
Oh yeah, I giggled, waggling my eyebrows and making kissy faces.
I liked that one.
Nope, she just had a baby.
Oooh, can I hold it?
I asked, still enamored with all things reproductive.
Probably not, he said.
Shes brandnew and very tiny and were just going to say hi and then leave.
Can we go to McDonalds after?
All the infants were crying, and it distressed me.
Isnt anyone coming to pick them up?
I asked my dad and Amy.
There was uncomfortable silence.
I was only eight, but I could tell that something weird was in the air.
I was Harolds baby.
How could there possibly be another?
Despite my shock, I didnt say anything to my dad or Erica about it.
Yes, she said carefully, I knew.
She looked at me unwaveringly with her clear green eyes but swallowed audibly.
I remember hoping she wouldnt cry.
Did you know they have a baby together?
I thought he wasnt sure.
No, I overheard him talking to Erica about it.
Dont tell him I told you.
For all my precociousness, I was confused by the whole situation.
How could my dad have another baby but not be with it?
Did that mean he wasnt really its dad?
Was the baby part of our family?
Why didnt he tell me it was his baby when we were at the hospital?
Why did my mom seem so sad?
I could have asked these questions but I didnt.
I preferred being in the dark, scared of whatever the answers might reveal.
I figured as long as everyone else was keeping the secret, I would too.
I didnt even want to come.
My mom completely ignored me, too curious to care that I was not in the mood.
I could barely look at her.
Ooh, she looks just like Harold, doesnt she?
my mom whispered conspiratorially.
I dont know, maybe, I said sulkily.
It was true but I didnt want to accept it.
It worried me, but I couldnt admit it.
She had her life and I had mine.
I suggested Portugal or Tokyo and he said, Well, yeahhhhh.
That would be cool.
How about northern France?
Like a Best Western or something?
We also ate really bad ham steaks in Caen at what seemed like a French Dennys.
I know this sounds crazy … but you have a sister.
He looked over quickly to gauge my reaction.
He nodded, looking confused.
Well, I said slowly, I knew that you and Mom had an …understanding.
It didnt seem like a happy visit, even to a sevenyearold.
What were you thinking?
Why did you bring me there?
Was I like your human shield?
Im so sorry, my baby.
It had to be a girl, I teased.
Brothers Im okay with, but a sister?
Im supposed to be the only Daddys girl.
I dont think that will be a problem.
She doesnt even know.
How is that possible?
He took a deep breath.
Well, Amy and I were having an affair and she got pregnant.
I was just getting involved with Erica … it was a mess.
She had the baby and she never told her husband that there was any question of paternity.
Eventually they got divorced.
I feel like such a jerk.
Youre not a jerk, Daddy.
Well, Im sure Amy thinks I am.
Have you ever seenLook Whos Talking?
Well, you know that married asshole that gets Kirstie Alleys character pregnant and then wont leave his wife?
Looking back, I wasnt particularly freaked out by our conversation.
As the trip came to an end, we spent one last night in Paris before flying out.
Thank you for a great trip, Daddy, I said, suddenly fighting back tears.
You are so welcome, Daughtie.
I loved every minute of it, too.
The next morning, we flew back to Los Angeles and our separate lives.
I prepared for my next move and he started preproduction for his next project,Bedazzled.
To this day, that trip remains one of my most cherished memories of time spent with my dad.
Sister Act
One day in the spring of 2004, my dad called.
His voice sounded slightly off, maybe a little forced, as he broke the news.
I heard from Amy Heckerling.
I made sure to keep my tone casual and calm even though my stomach lurched a little.
What did she say?
She said that Mollie knows everything and wants to meet me.
How do you feel about that?
Oy, I dont know.
She goes to NYU and they have an apartment on the Upper West Side.
What if shes, like, my nextdoor neighbor?
Well, well find out.
Im thinking Ill meet her when were in town next month on the way to the Vineyard.
Im going to talk to her on the phone later this week.
Are you okay with this?
Does it freak you out?
I thought it would but …
Erica is kind of freaked out.
Ohhh, I think shes worried about the potential for disaster.
They dont want anything from you though, right?
Its not going to be a big dramatic scene, is it?
She just wants to meet?
Thats what Amy said.
I hope it isnt a total disaster.
It wont be, I reassured him.
Phone calls happened, arrangements were made.
If things went well, we could all go back to my apartment.
If they didnt, wed go our separate ways.
Dad was so nervous blinky and compulsively adjusting his shirt.
Erica kept squeezing my arm and saying, I cant believe this is happening.
Mollie and Amy walked up to us on Broadway and introductions were made.
I greeted Mollie warmly and we awkwardly embraced.
Amy was petite and pale and looked like a rock star who had just rolled out of bed.
Dad and Mollie went off to French Roast while the rest of us went to Arties Deli.
Amy and Erica chatted and drank iced tea while the boys ate bagels and I wrangled Keon.
Physically, there was an undeniable resemblance.
I mean, she looked even more like my dad than I did, fiery red hair notwithstanding.
In fact, seeing her made me realize how much of my looks had come from my mother.
But where nature ends and nurture takes over, Mollie was like a stranger.
Her vibe, cadence, and timing were so different from ours.
Mostly, though, I was just relieved that it seemed to be a dramafree encounter.
As we wrapped up the evening, she and I exchanged phone numbers and said wed get together soon.
Of course, after Mollie and Amy left, we grilled my dad on how their conversation had gone.
I think it was good, he vocalfried.
It all just feels so big.
Okay, just give us the nutshell, I nudged.
Well, she wanted to know the story from my perspective.
I told her and she seemed okay with it.
She told me how it was for her to find out.
For not having been there for her.
It seemed like the right thing to do at the time but … who knows?
Right for me, but maybe not for her.
It seems like she turned out pretty well in spite of it all though, no?
Oh yeah, she did just fine without me.
Its big, my baby.
Big, big, big!
We went to someones apartment downtown and smoked pot with some people on the roof.
I, not knowing who knew what, mistakenly introduced myself to a young woman as Mollies sister.
She was immediately taken aback.
How is that possible?
Mollie was tough to read but tried to reassure me it was okay.
I felt bad about possibly messing things up for Mollie with her family, but I was also confused.
Now that we all knew each other, werent things going to be out in the open?
Apparently not, as there were still strong feelings and issues to be resolved inthis complicated situation.
Mollie and I didnt talk for almost two years after that.
Not because we didnt want to, just because we were both lazy flakes.
He always spoke about her with a kind of wistfulness that I found heartbreaking.
About five years after our initial meeting, Mollie came over to my apartment.
We got stoned, clicked (hallelujah!
), and started to have a real relationship of our own.
Actually, I had never met anyone like her, and I was kind of in love.
She came over every Tuesday night for the next year and we became really close.
My kids loved her because she made dirty jokes and laughed at their shenanigans.
Wed just started talking when, out of nowhere, she flipped me the bird.
Did you just give me the finger?
I asked mock incredulously.
No, Keon is behind you making faces and being a little shit, she laughed.
Oh, I said, grinning from ear to ear, well then, thats fine.
Our mutual admiration for each other (Youre amazing!
No, youre amazing!)
allowed us to get close without it ever feeling competitive.
They, in turn, reached out to my family, who agreed to host her.
I think she clung to these familiar things because the adjustment to a totally new life was so overwhelming.
Ayda, Julian, and Daniel lived as siblings and were very close.
Ayda and I liked each other from the start but both felt a little threatened nonetheless.
Was this the other daughter I should have been worrying about instead of Mollie?
As it turned out, whatever concerns I had were totally unfounded.
My dad adored Ayda (and Mollie) but there was plenty of love to go around.
She is now working at an NGO refugee camp in South Sudan.
Copyright 2018 by Violet Ramis Stiel.
