The Real Housewives of Potomac
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There is one moment in this episode that requires the deepest of dives.
It requires a frame-by-frame examination.
The shot looks like shes a contestant onANTMand Tyra coached her into some Broken Down Doll realness.
What universe is she living in?
Damn it, Karen!
Just give me what I want!
A full explanation of who Matt is and what youre doing with your leg on his leg.
Before we get to Karens limo candid, were still at this preposterous press conference.
Karen is standing up and shouting at Robyn and Matt is SHOCKED.
His lil eyes are bugging out.
#TaxReform is not that serious, Karen.
Monique is similarly scandalized.
Half your friends calmly walked out.
The other half just waited a second before they did.
Matt the assistant says, Its not about them.
NO ONE ASKED YOU, MATT.
Meanwhile, Candiace is waking up with her husband.
He stirs and then she turns over in the bed and this bitch has a full face of make-up.
You cant trick me.
I know what the fuck a done brow looks like.
You expect me to believe that you contoured in your sleep?
I dont trust Candiace and I do not think I like her.
Does this trick men?)
Candiace talks about how her family would prefer that she marry a black doctor.
Bitch, you aint special.
Monique is at home with the kids talking about all the crazy things she has to do.
Its hard to be Monique.
The conversation turns to choosing your spouse over family.
This whole conversation is a little strange.
Candiace joins them poolside and they give her a rundown of all the women in their circle.
Monique and Ashley both have problems with Robyn and Monique asks what age is Karen sticking with now.
She reveals no new information and tells their daughter that she has to be strong for her dad.
According to Karen, this is all a life lesson.
Robyn is organizing things with Juan when she brings up that they were invited to Chriss birthday party.
Shes a little wary to go since she saw a Monique fan page share an anti-Robyn meme.
What planet are we on that there are Monique fan pages?
Again, where did Robyn get this information?
Does she know how Instagram works?
Shes tired of everyone talking about her financial status.
Back at Oz, Ashley is meeting with her husband and hes laying down another ultimatum about Ashleys mom.
Now Michael is laying ultimatums on Ashleys mom?
He loves a good ultimatum.
Also, you dont buy someone a house unless they break up with someone untilafter the breakup.
And youre allowed to change the locks if some shady-ass boyfriend shows up.
Its time for the birthday party and all the girls descend upon Moniques house.
Charisse is also in tow.
What is the model for Charisse here?
Is she a Kim or a Marlo?
She spends most of the episode just randomly beginning to dance in the middle of conversations.
She isnt contributing anything.
Even her confessionals arent that fun or interesting.
They dont have one?
Okay, take her glass of Champagne away.
The main dramatic tension of the party is Robyn confronting Monique about this fan page.
Monique seems mostly annoyed and doesnt have anyone working for her.
Imagine showing a clip of this show to someone from 1992.
Oh yes, we tape random women fighting about their arguments and call it entertainment.
Take this Infinity Stone and fix this.
Yes, Ashley, what is conducive to a happy life?
So far, she hasnt impressed me.
