The Real Housewives of Orange County
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In preparation, she takes Tamra and Kelly to go looking for outfits at a … sex shop?
Theyre buying whips and things.
What sort of film noirs are these ladies watching?
Tamra even refers to this as a hooker party.
When her date Alex picks her up she asks him, Do I look like a hooker?
She thinks thats how shes supposed to look.
Have they not seenDouble Indemnity?
Even Emily had no clue how to outfit this party.
She looks more like every Housewife dressed for a Roaring 20s party than she does a femme fatale.
There is one blessing: At least this wasnt a Gatsby-themed party.
Shannon is one of those who totally did not understand the theme.
She shows up in a black-and-white sequined jacket over a matching dress.
She looks the best she has all season, but is totally off topic.
She should have just rocked that one look for both occasions.
The party is the sad culmination of a sad episode.
Again, so sad I dont want to talk about it at all.
The party turns out to be just as weird and sad.
Of all the things I hate, there is nothing I hate more than people who say assless chaps.
People, all chaps are assless.
The design that makes them chaps means that there is no ass.
You do not need to say it twice.
Saying assless chaps is like saying fingerless mittens or miserable Shannon Beador.
The adjective intrinsically goes with the noun.
What he really means is chaps with my ass hanging out, which is an entirely different thing.
The one fight we get is between Gina and Shannon.
Shannon is mad that Gina told her that her friends were worried about her mental health.
She takes this as Gina saying that shes mentally unwell, which is not what Gina said at all.
She contorts everything into being a criticism.
That, in and of itself, makes her an awful and disgusting person.
Gina was trying to help but somehow Shannon turned that person against her entirely.
Shannon says, But you threatened to kill Kellytwice.
I have never seen someone misinterpret something so entirely and willingly in my entire life.
Emily, normally a level-headed woman, had a fit of temper when Emily made fun of her husband.
This week were introduced to Alex, Kellys latest human dildo that she gets to show off at parties.
Thats what we all need more of, good times.
We couldnt have made it through this season without her.
