The Real Housewives of New York City
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When we start off this episode, everyone is lying.
You know about CoolSculpting, right?
Its where they literally freeze the fat off of your body.
Can someone set that up for me?
Bethenny is lying in bed because shes five minutes away from death due to her fish allergy.
Bethenny can really pull.
The only person who is not lying down is Countess Crackerjacks.
She is on the move.
She is selling statement necklaces and doing cabaret.
What the women are not wrong about is how obnoxious Luann is about her stupid Christmas show.
That pisses Luann off.
It was a compromise.
(Compromises is also the name of Luanns favorite rehab facility.)
Luann is supremely bothered by this.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
If she didnt want them there, she shouldnt have agreed to this compromise in the first place.
Shes like, I had to be on in 10 minutes.
Thats showbiz, baby!
Doing the show and then going to the birthday party afterward.
Patti LuPone is at Cafe Americain 20 minutes after the curtain lands.
Barbara says there will be other acts.
I dont think she can really hold the show by herself.
I mean, she cant really sing, Barbara says.
Second, this is treated like its some kind of scandalous admission.
Girl, we all know Luann cant sing.
The big fight at this party centers on Tinsley and essentially where her money comes from.
When Tinsley says theyre broken up, Dorinda says, Then you have an arrangement.
Lets get this straight: Someone like Tinsley Mortimer does not have arrangements.
Tinsley has family money.
Tinsley also has connections from being a lifelong socialite and friend of rich people.
I mean, its not like shes Dorit Kemsley or Marlo Hampton.
I want to know how those two are affording $6,000 dresses.
Its also none of their business.
That is not her job.
Also, who says Tinsley isnt being honest?
Why does Dorinda think she knows Tinsleys situation better than Tinsley herself does?
This spills over to Bethennys Smores and Whores party.
She says shell talk about whatever she likes and would actually respect Tinsley more if she shouted her down.
Dorinda wants Tinsley to handle the situation as Dorinda would, by being honest and loudly airing her grievances.
Instead, Tinsley is handling the situation like Tinsley.
That means she ignores whatever problem there is and just refuses to talk about things.
Tinsley is a Wasp.
This is how they roll.
kindly respect her cultural heritage.
The Smores and Whores party is kind of a bust.
Bethenny and Dorinda are the only two who dress to the theme.
Everything about this party is kind of off.
This is just a bad move.
(Yes, Bethenny confides only in those who work for her.)
He was trying to bring her into death, she says.
She doesnt mention everyone crowded around him.
There was Richard, Dorindas ex, a red balloon bobbing just a few feet off the ground.
Bambi, Tinsleys dog, was yapping at their feet.
Ramonas father was there too, cursing someone just out of her view.
Everything was in that light, everything from the past, everything old.
There she was, trying to be an actress and going out to clubs in Hollywood with Kyle Richards.
But she couldnt, she says.
She decided she needed to stay here.
They followed her just above the ambulance and then back to New York to the Smores and Whores party.
It was that same old awful sunset selfie everywhere she looked.
She would just have to attempt to put a filter on it and make do.
