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I dont do boats, schooners, catamarans, or canoes.
I only do yachts.
So we get to the yacht and its a total dump.
There are only two stories, theres no chef, and none of the crew spoke English.
They didnt even know how to say Pinot Grigio.
I did stop to take a selfie on the top deck of the boat though.
Look at how good I look.
No, the boat wasnt the best, but these women are so spoiled.
Theyre not used to being downtown where things are grittier.
But the trouble started almost immediately.
The anchor got stuck and we couldnt leave the harbor.
The crew is running around, screaming in Spanish.
Sonja is screaming, Vamanos!
at no one in particular.
Bethenny Frankel: I mean, who evenhasasawon theirboat.
I mean, thatsinsane.
I think thats insane.
Then we dont have an anchor.
I mean, what if we want to stop?
How are we going to stop?
Were not going to stop.
because she has some sort of diarrhea moment thats happening.
Sonja Tremont Morgan of the Depends Adult Diapers Morgans: Yes, what Tinsley said is correct.
I was wearing a diaper.
Tinsley Mortimer:Were at sea for hours and what was a nice, calm afternoon quickly turned sour.
I almost got some on Bethennys caftan, because it was kind of blowing in the wind.
This would never happen in Palm Beach.
Maybe West Palm, but not Palm Beach.
Carole Radziwill:I started vomiting, too.
I felt just like I do any time that orange orangutan in the White House tweets.
Bethenny Frankel: So Carole is like, Blerg.
And Tinsley is like, Blerg.
And Im like, If you two keep puking them Im going to puke!
And then I smell like something burning and I say, Is there something burning?
I think thats burning.
We start to see smoke coming out of the front of the ship.
Its more flaming than Jim Nabors in a Pride Parade.
However, if you could tell Andy that I would like to come back on the show.
The fans want it.
Can we issue a court order to have me back?
Dorinda Medley: I means maybe thereish some fires.
I had threes martinis at lunch and CLIP!
Shhshsmakosha barmak kamazza fazza dish dosh.
Sonja Morgan: This never would have happened onmyyacht.
You know Diddy once partied on my yacht with Madonna and John John.
Carole Radziwill: I believe Ms. Morgan is mistaken.
My cousin-in-law John hated boats.
He said they reminded him too much of his stepfather, who he hated.
I puke all thetime.
Then we see the fire.
Havent any of these women been on a sinking yacht before?
Bethenny Frankel: I knew we were going to die.
I was sure of it.
I just jumped into the water and started to swim.
Swimming like I was Kevin Costner inWaterwarrioror, what was that movie?
Whatever that movie was.
That was me swimming.
In the moment I thought it was fine.
Ive had a good run.
Luckily another boat was passing by and we all left and got aboard that.
Sonja Morgan: The other boat was really nice.
It was not a yacht, it was more of a boat, for sure.
But I could make it nice.
I can make anything nice.
I dont know what happened to the first boat.
How can I keep track of all of this?
He was like, Ladies, stop!
This isnt a reunion.
I mean, thats funny.
He can be very funny.
But where was the counseling when I was trying to live with Sonja?
And all the other women thought it was a good idea.
Thats just like them, taking my ideas and running with them.
Know what I mean?
Sonja Morgan: I mean, Ive been through a lot worse.
My dog died once, this was nothing compared to that.
Ive lost three Blackberrys down the toilet.Three!
Whats one bad yacht trip?
Ramona Singer: Of course we should get a huge reward.
I have distress emotional distress.
Bethenny Frankel: At the end of the day, its not that bad.
I mean, this is going to be great TV.
Its going to be excellent.
Its going to be excellent, great TV.
