The Real Housewives of Atlanta
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I dont know who Jessica is!
Her boyfriend Cliff and her aunt Roberta meanliterally nothing to me.
Why am I getting a tour of Tanyas house?
What happened in theReal HousewivesCinematic Universe that I now know that Tanya has a combination panic room-closet?
Who are these women?
Am I supposed to care about them?
If I see Yvonna fighting over a bedroom on a trip, I will lose my damn mind.
Lets get to it.
This episode starts and Cynthia is cutting up fruit like shes never handled a knife before.
Coming down the stairs is a mystery man.
Hes got some beautiful boots and its … Leon!
As if that wasnt already a black bucket-list item, there were all kinds of black celebrities walking around.
I had never seen … nay, neverexperiencedanother human with that level of magnetism.
I was ready to risk it all in that moment.
Leon could have told me anything.
Shamari and Kandi head out for a lunch double date.
The producers keep telling Shamari to bring up her open marriage even though its clearly killing DeVoe.
Its eating him from the inside out.
Shamari fell in love and DeVoe maybe banged a couple people.
Shamari was about to throw it all away.
Kandi was just around some vaginas at parties.
Most of the episode is heading toward a couples dinner party NeNe and Gregg are throwing.
The theme is Boobs and Bourbon.
NeNe must have a bag of words that she uses when putting together her party themes.
The most ridiculous thing is, the only drink NeNe serves at the party is WINE.
The party does not deliver on 50 percent of what it promised.
At least the All-White Seafood Extravaganza Girls & Gays Never Forget Soiree was ALL OF THOSE THINGS.
But before we get to the party, Kandi and Porsha sit down to scrub the air.
This is some half-baked drama.
Lets just move on.
Its time for the B00BZ + Bourbon Bash and all these miscellaneous bitches are showing up.
I gotta know who Rick is?!
Yvonna is one of NeNes customers at Swagg.
A Twitter account was livetweeting the episode and referred to him as Marlos bae.
I dont think they arefully awareof Marlo and Kevins relationship.
She is FUCKED UP.
Eva introduces herself and Yvonna is furious that Eva doesnt remember her.
They allegedly went to college together and Eva is best friends with Yvonnas best friend.
This is the kind of shit Im now supposed to remember.
I dont have the space in my brain.
Yvonna goes on a rampage shouting about how she was, is, and continues to be THAT BITCH.
Well, you must not have been because you have nary a peach.
This is all a set-up for a couples trip.
Lord give me strength.
Finally, Porsha heads to Denniss loft to assign his private chef to cook them a fancy breakfast.
Dennis is drinking champagne for his birthday and Porsha is drinking something else.
This is impossibly sweet.
His reaction isvery cutebecause he keeps shouting WOW!
She shows him the pregnancy test and they cry together.
Looks like hes gotta get a new tattoo.
