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The Predatoris a homecoming for Shane Black, and perhaps thats its original sin.
The writer-director had a small role in the originalPredatorway back in 1987, playing Arnold Schwarzeneggers squad-mate Hawkins.
The character primarily served as comic relief, delivering intentionally inept jokes to his unimpressed compatriots (e.g.
She said, Me too, mines as big as a house!).
Aside from Hawkins, none of the players inPredatorare particularly gag-oriented, nor should they be.
The film is a classic because its a taut, knuckle-whitening exercise in wilderness-based survival horror.
The humor works because it comes in small doses.
Alas and alack, would-be franchise restarterThe Predatorattempts to turn virtually everyone into a Hawkins.
You wouldnt know it from any of the promotional material, of course.
The trailers emphasize the badassery of the titular extraterrestrial and its even-scarier Ultimate Predator cousin.
THE HUNT HAS EVOLVED declare the posters, alongside a heat-mapped image of the Predator.
You go in expecting, at most, a few one-liners.
Here is a movie that thinks its an action-comedy and couldnt be more wrong about that assertion.
Over the radio, he hears his teammates betting on whether the gangsters will kill a hostage.
Quinn asks them whether theyre really betting on such a thing.
Yeah, thats the idea, one replies while the other says something similar in cross talk.
Quinn replies, Just checking.
Deal me in for 20.
The people in each theater didnt know how good they had it by that point.
From there on out, the film is a cavalcade of dumb and/or bad jokes.
Why do you think people make war?
Baxley asks at one point before his disorder interrupts his attempt at an answer: Because we fuck!
Coyle cackles and replies, Because we fuck cock cock?
Fear not, the other Loonies have their own bits of comedic business.
The Loonies are like pre-wokeness grade-schoolers who never shut up.
How do you circumcise a homeless man?
Kick your mother in the chin!
Coyle yells at Baxley at one point.
It didnt really inspire me.
And poor Olivia Munn.
Theres an extended and deeply uncomfortable bit where Baxley accidentally blurts, Eat your pussy!
I could go on and on.
To make matters worse, the jokes arent evenly spaced out.
In the wake ofPredator 2, Alien Vs.
Predator, Alien Vs. Hawkins is spinning in his jungle grave.
