The Beastie Boys made a masterpiece.
And then they were foiled by Donny Osmond.
Excerpt:Beastie Boys Book, by Michael Diamond and Adam Horovitz.
Published by Spiegel & Grau, an imprint of Random House/Penguin Random House LLC.
Copyright 2018 by Beastie Boys Partnership.
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After we parted ways with Def Jam, we started meeting with other labels and eventually signed with Capitol.
They wanted a new record immediately.
We were … in less of a hurry.
It also pushed the boundaries of what we thought was possible with sample-based music.
Or maybe we thought it was funny to record where Debbie Gibson and Lionel Richie might have recorded.
Anyway: We ended up at the Record Plant.
An iconic L.A. studio.
Platinum Eagles records lining the halls.
Now, dont get me wrong.
The Eagles are a big name in the game.
Been in the game a long time.
But what the fuck does that have to do with what we were making?
We spent days just redoing the shit wed already done at Matts.
We retracked every loop and scratch.
Tweaked everything on the giant Solid State Logic mixing consoles you see in every super-fancy studio.
And it took what seemed like forever.
Craft services times ten.
An army of dudes with rolls of tape hanging from their belts and walkie-talkies on their shoulders.
Persian rugs were suddenly everywhere.
Lots of booze bottles placed around the studio, just so.
Turned out Guns N Roses was there to film the video for Patience.
First we ran into Slash, briefly.
Then, by the reception desk, we stumbled into the bass player, Duff McKagan.
A Seattle hardcore band.
We never ran into Axl.
Anyway, back to the (re)recording of our album.
We went more pro and lost some of the grit.
Yeah, thats right: magical essence.
This spot had a crazy Harrison mixing console that looked like it belonged at NASA mission control.
The wave of the future.
After several days of doing nothing, bored out of our minds, we finally just canceled the session.
So after all that, did we go back to Matts apartment at last?
We recorded ourselves playing Ping-Pong in stereo, so it could be panned left and right in the headphones.
I guess it just made us feel big time.
The upside was that we finally did finishPauls Boutiquein that second push at the Record Plant.
The downside is that we wasted So.
Soon enough, though, the amount of money wed just wasted would be the least of our problems.
Not long afterPauls Boutiquecame out, I ran into our old friend Dante Ross.
He told me that he had just heard our new record.
Its got like two songs on there.
Weve used this quote about a thousand times since.
Yo, you heard that new Radiohead joint?
Its got like one and a half songs on there.
Adam Horovitz: Its not like we wanted to burn the fuckin flag or anything.
We had a big record-release party up on the roof of the building.
Hollywoods own Empire State Building.
The party coincided with George Bushs campaign to protect the American flag from desecration.
We werent trying to burn it or anything.
We were the multiplatinum fight-for-your-right-to-party guys … we were just really feeling ourselves.
And we wanted the world to know.
Like,This was Frank Sinatras building, but now its ours.We truly believed that we were shot callers.
(Its like when Tamra Davis was gonna direct a video for Cher.
A lot of leather.
Get used to it.)
And thats when things started to get a little … odd.
Right after we handed in the final version ofPauls Boutique,the president of Capitol Records quit.
Around the same time, the A&R guy who brought us in and signed us quit.
New faces at the label.
New band on the label.
Then this happened: Capitol brought us in for a marketing meeting to launch the record.
The street team had a plan.
They had been given the title Street Awareness Program.
And so on their presentation paperwork it spelled out S-A-P in big letters across the top of each page.
SAP, SAP, SAP.
Their marketing plan was for us to make a diss record against MC Hammer.
Im sure the lack of confidence was mutual.
But the most weirdest and most bummerish thing happened after the record came out.
We just assumed that becauseLicensed to Illsold a billion copies,Pauls Boutiquewould do the same.
But, like, it didnt.
No back order, nothing.Seriously … Capitol is literally down the street from Tower Records.
Cant someone drive a couple boxes over?
I mean, shit … Ill buy the goddamn stamps.
So we were kind of in a holding pattern.
A solid couple weeks go by and then we finally meet with him.
We go to the top floor of the Capitol Records Building and wait on some nice new couches.
The president is ready for us, so we go in.
you’re free to see all of what L.A. is made of.
But the most striking visual inside the room is the new president himself.
Im a Dead Head, so I know where youre at.
The companys just really busy right now.
Were all just focusing and working really hard on the new Donny Osmond album, so, next time.
What he had just said to us, the multiplatinum fight-for-your-right-to-party guys, is …
Forget about the record you just spent the past couple years making.
Forget all this life-changing shit thats happening to you as a band, people, and friends.
Because … Donny Osmonds new record is just a little more important than yours.
Just go back, make another record, and well see what happens when that happens.
Everythings gonna be fine.
4080: Record-company people are shaaady.
The teeny-ponytailed/phony-baloney hippie-costume/looking-like-an-undercover-cop guy was replaced soon after by … some other middle-aged-white-guy record executive.
To quote the great Donny Osmond … One bad apple dont spoil the whole bunch, girl.
That being said … for a good time, look up Donny Osmond Sacred Emotion on YouTube.
Thats what this Dead Head had the company locked down with.
