The Great British Baking Show

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(Ive successfully madethis versionat home, if you feel like your weekend could use some hyperglycemia!)

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A clootie, a strip of muslin, is wrapped around the pudding and creates a skin when baked.

Two of Dannys jubilee chocolate fondants slide off her tray and onto the floor.

Shes devastated, with chocolate spatter all over her cute blue Chuck Taylors.

Paul likens Johns raspberry and white chocolate puddings, however, to chewing on a piece of card.

Brendan, meanwhile, wins high praise for his rhubarb, strawberry, and crystallized ginger puddings.

Mary Berry is, as always, right, and Ryans triple-risen puddings prove to have a bitter finish.

In fact, they love how moist the (noncontaminated) sponges came out.

Fortunately, I am extremely wrong.

This demanding dessert consists of three distinct layers of custard, jam, and chewy meringue on top.

Only Brendan seems unfazed.

There are some advantages to being older.

Lo and behold, the tents own disco king comes in first, followed by Danny.

Ryan takes sixth and James (who is having a surprisingly bad week!)

The showstopper is one large strudel, either sweet or savory.

It should finish with a flaky exterior and a succulent interior.

But this is not real life.

Instead, he doesnt just roll up his sleeves, but also oils up his arms.

Paul comes over to Sarah-Janes station and constructively abuses her dough, whipping it repeatedly against the countertop.

Its got green carpet in it, Cathryn says.

Im not serving Mary Berry green carpet.

And speaking of baking disasters: Johns glove is now full of blood, dripping onto his arm below.

I admit that Im a squeamish person, but this is objectively serious.

Intensive-care consultant Danny leaps in to help, tending to the wound beside a medic.

The cut is much deeper than they initially thought, and he wont be able to finish the bake.

Get well soon, John!

My strudels got a hemorrhage.

Do I mean hemorrhage?

Cathryn frets of her roasted vegetable couscous and sheep-cheese strudel.

Brendans strudel finished with an extracurricular diamond-cut pastry lattice, because why not?

could use more color, but the pastry layers are thin and the flavors are good.

I am sorry to report that she was not wrong.

The delightful Brendan is crowned Star Baker.

Surely that should count for something!

The judges decided that it wouldnt be fair to send anyone home in Johns absence.

Instead, two bakers will be eliminated next week.

Thats a get-out-of-jail-free card that she can only rely on, at most, nine more times.