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I hate to admit that possibility has crossed my mind before.
I heard the rapper say he smeared the kids blood on his face.
I heard the hosts subtle, uncomfortable guffaw, a laugh of either disbelief or pure terror.
I stopped patronizing both because I couldnt tell the difference.
Real recognize real, crime and cruelty be damned.
I watched Xs catastrophic debut tour sputter to a stop after fights at several stops.
I thought,Here is a man who does not value life.
Here is the stone-faced horror of the times made flesh.
I groused as his singles gained steam, and his albums topped the charts.
I heard fans hurting.
I saw women and gay men celebrating having one less abuser to worry about.
The feelings dont leave just because the target has.
Twitter is telling me otherwise.
I yell because I dont want anyone else to feel the same way.
He didnt make it.
When I found out he wasnt the righteous, real figure I thought he was, I struggled.
Istill think theyre wrong, and their callousness terrifies me.
Can they now, if they feel like the man has become a martyr?
This is not the outcome I wanted.
I wanted things to turn around.
But I would be lying if I said I never considered this ending.
I feel something very intensely today, but its not pity.
Its more like disappointment in a world that keeps creating these horrors.
My generation grew up believing that justice would always prevail.
That makes me feel lost.
That makes me feel sad.
Love and respect to survivors and to people who put their peace on the line to honor them.
All of you are candles in a dark night.
