The Bachelor
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Incoming text: Are you watching this live?
Incoming text: you oughta get home right now.
Incoming text: This footage is unbelievable.
Some people might send each other these texts as they watch unhinged politicians give preposterous interviews.
Arie was following his heart.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!
If it was done in the name of finding love!
Wellllllllllllll, I guess that makes it all JUST FINE THEN?
Is that the implication?
How does Chris Harrison feel about all this?
I know hes the relationship equivalent of Switzerland, but theres gotta be something brewing in there.
You cant just watch what happened here tonight and not feel a deep, seething rage.
But guys,I didnt really feel anything.When Arie proposed to Becca, I didnt cry and Ialwayscry.
Im supposed to believe that this woman has a vibrant enough inner life to justify journaling?
Is the only thing in her journal just drawings of the Snowman from the filmThe Snowman?
And Aries mother looks like Krystal with a few hard years added on.
And everyones spouse …is a blonde woman.Becca was doomed before she set foot in that room.
Lauren arrives with a bouquet of flowers and a slouchy sweater.
I hate to be all ugh millennials, but would it have killed her to put on a blouse?
Lauren keeps repeating that its never been this big of a deal to meet someones parents.
You have been engaged literallytwice.
Its gross and weird becauseshe barely returns any affection, but also because shes 11 years younger than him.
When her family asks her what her favorite date with Arie was, her answer is All of them.
YOU WENT TO PARIS.
WHAT UNIVERSE IS HE LIVING IN THAT HE CAN JUST MOVE PAST WE HAVENT TALKED?
Its time for Becca to meet Aries family.
All of Beccas outfits this episode look spectacular.
Weve all done this and game respect game.
I cant imagine Becca, a warm, decent human, being threatened by Lauren.
Aries family puts her through the ringer, beginning any conversation by mentioning Lauren.
Aries dad tells her, Either way, Im fine with it.
But after that slipup, Aries family unanimously tells him that he should pick Becca.
Each ladytestant gets one final date and one final evening portion.
Arie first takes Lauren on a private train to Machu Picchu.
They would eat dinner, drink liquids, sit on the couch.
Arie keeps talking about the undeniable, indescribable attraction he has to Lauren.
I think her saying, Wed make dinner is what showed me their connection.
Beccas final date is walking around the city.
They sit down at an outdoor cafe and drink giant smoothies while thunder rolls in.
This, dear sweet viewers, is the textbook example of dramatic irony.
Well, the time has come for Arie to make his final decision.
He wakes up on the morning of the proposal and he still doesnt know what to do.
Then her rose falls apart.
After seeing Becca and Arie ride off into the sunset, Chris Harrison introduces the aftermath of the season.
We get a little montage of Arie and Becca on their happy couple visits.
Theyre making pizza from scratch, theyre playing chess, theyre hanging out in a hammock.
Becca looks like shes doing all the heavy lifting in their relationship and providing all the fun and warmth.
Theres a somber in-the-moment interview from Arie when he reveals that he keeps thinking about Lauren.
Not this bitch again.
What does he SEE in her?
Hes saying hes waking up thinking about Lauren and going to bed thinking about Lauren.
Then he says the possibility of getting with Lauren has him wanting to risk it all.
Or just everything about the Jabari and MBaku.
Not the computer-simulated actress fromS1m0ne.
So Arie must break up with Becca.
He tells Becca that hes still thinking about Lauren and he thought he could sort out his feelings.
Hanging out is a really childish way of referring to spending time with your alleged fiancee.
Thats how its SUPPOSED to work, you jackass.
Does he want sympathy?
Does he want credit for correctly identifying a feeling?
Beccas reaction is just, Are you fucking kidding me?
Thats the best and only response.
Becca also reveals that Arie had conversations with Lauren and now I need a full timeline of these relationships.
When did he make the call?
How long was the call?
Was it made on the Best Buy pay phone?
Becca tells him that he needs to leave … AND ARIE DOESNT LEAVE.
He knocks on the closed bathroom door and asks, Are you okay?
NO, YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG.
Ive been in this exact break-up situation before.
or its all a test to see if youll fight for the relationship.
