The Bachelor
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
The entire phenomenon ofThe Bachelorwill baffle future generations.
It will be a mere footnote in our history.
I imagine my granddaughter will ask me what I did with my life.
One time, he got up from the table and walked away.
And then shell ask me, Grand-mama, did it matter?
Did it mean anything?
and Ill shake my old, dumb head and say, No, nothing mattered then.
It really feels that way, doesnt it?
Kendall and Tia arent long for this world.
Tia had to look up where Tuscany was on a map before the trip.
The ladytestants stand in the shadow of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Theres a metaphor in there somewhere.
This week is a biggie: Three one-on-one dates and a three-on-one date.
Jacqueline reveals whats been making her hair so giant, and nothing lifts from the roots like anxiety.
Maybe its because the man youre interested in called your academic career an obstacle.
I bet you thats whats keeping you fromfalling.
Lets fall in love under the Tuscan sun.
This is all a ploy for Arie to demand the ladytestants declare their intentions to move to Scottsdale.
Becca K. gets a rose.
Shes heading to hometowns!
Were going to meet Uncle Gary!
She doesnt know what her family would talk to Arie about.
So she decides to go to Aries hotel room to deal with the issue head-on.
The second Arie invites her in, Jacqueline starts chugging Aries wine.
Jacqueline says her biggest fear is to wind up married to Arie in Scottsdale.
Jacqueline climbs into Aries shirt pocket and tells him that she has to leave.
She cant tell the difference between being interested and being ready.
Arie tells her that if she regrets it, she can come back to him.
He also says that shes unsettled in her life.
She just doesnt want tosettleforyou.
Because we are getting NOTHING from her.
He keeps saying that shes hard to read, but maybe shes just boring.
Its called LOVE LANGUAGES, Lauren B.
WHERE DID HE GO?
She gets the rose.
Up next is Sienne.
Lets be real: Sienne is too good for Arie and hes fundamentally a coward.
Any woman that has something going on for herself and is accomplished is terrifying to him.
Sienne is up-front about her inability to express her emotions clearly.
Bekah M. has been constantly monitoring her odds like its bitcoin.
Shes feeling good going into this three-on-one date, but we all know what happened to bitcoin.
She then tells Bekah it was her duty to protect Arie and she didnt mean anything by it.
But the key THE KEY to all of this is Aries reaction.
Bekah walks up to him after talking to Tia in tears.
You couldnt look at her and think that anything was going her way.
He giggles and says, Hey, whats wrong?
like hes talking to a toddler with a broken toy.
His reaction completely dismisses how upset Bekah is.
He keeps giggling and trying to kiss her while shes crying on his chest.
He switches the topic to the hometown date before acknowledging her feelings to attempt to make her feel better.
He acts like one of those people who believes that exercise alone can cure depression.
He doesnt possess any complexity or emotional depth.
Theres a Snickers bar where his heart should be.
He just seems to decide on a whim when hes tired of sadness and ready to joke around again.
Its not just with Bekah.
Thats how bad this season is.
I just complimented Oatmeal as a compelling lead.
Tia gets the second group-date rose.
Tia is full-on cackling in her in-the-moment interview as Bekah M. gets put into an SUV by Arie.
Bekah breaks down crying and says she cant believe that her journey is over.
Thats all you could say about her?
That she made your experience fun?
Maybe he doesnt have a Snickers bar as a heart.
Maybe its a Necco wafer.
