The Bachelor Winter Games
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
Howdarethis show make me feel something for OATMEAL.
What kind of emotional manipulation are they pulling on me?
What kind ofCloverfield Paradoxbullshit is this?
I cant see the Earth and Im recognizing the humanity and complexity ofBenjamin Q. Higgins.
She wants that date card and she wants to win!
Well, shes willing to berate Christian and complain to Lesley.
Lesley needs to just be a good girlfriend and tell Christian that he needs to kiss Clare.
Its time for the event of the week: downhill skiing!
I turned off the actual Winter Games to watch these aspiring brand ambassadors downhill ski.
I was watching real downhill skiing!
The ski run is 3,000 vertical feet and Im convinced ABC wants someone to die.
Maybe then well be freed from whatever blood pact Chris Harrison made with the devil.
Theres no other reason this long-grain-white-rice of a man would be on our television screens this much.
Its time for the girls to take their run down the hill.
Lesley wins the womens heat.
Clare complains that shes mediocre and she wants to know if theres a prize for being a mediocre person.
Thats just the definition of white privilege right there.2.
There already is a prize for being a mediocre person.
Its called being a contestant onThe Bachelorfranchise.
He sets a pretty great time and all of the other guys find it impossible to beat him.
Josiah falls into a bush about eight feet from the starting line.
Ashley islosing her goddamn mindabout it.She cant EVEN believe it.
Kevin says that he completely understands so its on the guy to show how decent and kind he is.
A second of interest.
I want so much better for her.
They go to one of thoseGhostsexy pottery moments.
WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS MEAN?
Back at the house, Christian and Clare finally get their Jacuzzi time.
Just maybe kiss him first.
Youre in your mid-30s.
Dean and Lesley talk on their date about Dean being a player and none of it matters.
These two human Canada Goose jackets are deciding to do the damn thing and I guess thats beautiful.
Tiffany decides to leave the house and she gets about 30 seconds of screen time.
Poor Michael G.
Then comes Oatmeals dramatic exit.
Ive never seen what attracted people to Oatmeal.
People would talk about him being cute or hot and I did not see it, fam.
I see something there.
Maybe I just need to see a white man at his lowest for me to be attracted to him.
He sits down with Host Chris and Host Chris tells Oatmeal, Youre drowning.
Go home, man.
Oatmeal, sweet tragic Oatmeal.
He decides to leave.
Yuki breaks down weeping.
Is this the beginning of Oatmeals arc to end up onThe Bacheloragain?
Yknow, that thing?
Chris Harrison and his Duolingo app sit down with Yuki to tell her No boy, go home.
Maybe this would have worked for Yuki if you had someone,anyonewho spoke Japanese.
Luke asks her to make one more Japanese omelette and she says, No.
Its time for the rose ceremony.
No one knows the format of the rose ceremony and get this, yall its a kissing competition.
Judged by Jojo, Rachel, and Arie.
Im always excited to see Rachel and she looks GREAT.
Jojo is, surprisingly, a delight.
Clare has managed to screw up two relationships.
Maybe it is time to retire, girl.
Lesley and Dean choreograph a little routine that ends with Dean lifting Lesley by her legs and kissing her.
Its very awkward, but I cant fault them for trying to make themselves laugh.
They get low marks for being juvenile.
When Ally gets nervous, she gets an upset stomach and feels the urge to vomit.
She gave Kaitlin Olson fromIts Always Sunnya run for her money for best use of comedic vomit face.
She runs off to the bathroom when its her turn to kiss Josiah.
She pulls it together and they kiss.
Ashley and Kevin are awarded best kiss.
Luke and Stassi get the silver and Lily and Courtney get the bronze.
Arie says she usually has Latin fire and that disgusts me.)
Dean and Lesley get a rose, so that means Josiah and Ally have to leave.
