Silicon Valley
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Do I really hate someone so much that defeating them is worth more than money?
asks Dinesh late in this weeks episode ofSilicon Valley.
Is this what Ive become?
Reorientation, one of the best episodes of the series so far, is a dissertation on this statement.
So in honor of that, Vulture presents a second installment ofThe Petty Peoples Awards!
Our first award goes to:
Petty Gavin Belson:Mr. Belson is the Meryl Streep of these awards.
To erase any trace of his former rival, Gavin introduces the Gavin Belson Signature Box III.
Its the same as Box 2, except it has Gavins signature on it.
Unlike Apple, Hooli actually listens to its customers opinions.
The problem here is Gavins signature, which appears prominently on the front of the new hardware.
Gavins chicken-scratch handwriting tested lower with focus groups than Pied Pipers new interface did back in Daily Active Users.
Gavin responds to the report by firing the poor woman who is reading it to him.
Dang hires famous underground artist Banksy to remove all the bad energy from Gavins John Hancock.
Unfortunately, Banksys contract stipulates that his name also appear on any artwork he delivers.
On what planet does a signature have a signature on it?
asks Gavin before firing Banksy and telling Dang to create a Hooli-wide signature-designing contest for employees.
a cost-conscious Gavin bellows.
Its also pornographic; the winning signature looks just like a penis.
While Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg sing Dick On a Box, lets present our next award.
Dinesh isnt worried, so Gilfoyle twists the knife a bit.
Cars depreciate 10 percent as soon as they fall off the truck, he says.
So if this car were $100, youve just lost $10.
Did this car cost $100?
Gilfoyle is stuck on level five.
Gilfoyle twists the knife harder.
Gilfoyle plugs his new vehicle into the Dineshs normal spot, banishing Dinesh to level five.
As a result, Dinesh must now give a shot to beat Gilfoyle to the office.
Dinesh turbo boosts directly into a Bright Color Juicery truck.
As Dinesh pulls his battered vehicle into the garage, Gilfoyle is waiting for him.
Somethings wrong with your frunk, he deadpans.
Its all frucked [sic] up.
Unfrucking a frunk costs $17,000, money Dinesh doesnt have.
But he decides to do it, because defeating Gilfoyle will be worth the money.
He just needs to convince a probate court that Erlich has shuffled off this mortal coil.
Jian-Yang cremates it into ashes wasting all that delicious pork in the process and brings the ashes to court.
Judge Coulter (note that last name!)
Would you characterize Mr. Bachman as a financially responsible person?
One need only revisit Bachmanity Insanity for the answer to that question.
Jian Yang discovers that Erlich was up to his neck in debt.
He had seven credit cards, he tells Dinesh, none of which had reward miles.
But Jian Yangs hatred of Erlich trumps his common sense.
He pays all the bills, takes over Hacker Hostel and evicts Richard, Gilfoyle, and Dinesh.
The Erlich administration is over, Jian Yang tells his former housemates.
You are victims of a circumstance.
Richard learns this lesson when the Optimoji folks and the Sliceline folks turn against him.
As usual, Richards public-speaking skills are disastrous.
Reorientation opens with a bloody-nosed Richard being comforted by Jared.
I suppose its less embarrassing the way you explained it.
Richards attempts to unite Optimoji and Sliceline beget massive failure.
That last thing causes one of the stallions to go into anaphylactic shock.
This is why we had the no-dog policy!
Jared tells Richard before demanding Richard speak to his crew.
All 50 programmers take the offer.
Undeterred, Richard starts coding his ass off.
(But were still petty.
Everyone bears witness to Thomas Middleditchs best pratfall since the face-plant in the aforementioned Maleant Data System Solutions.
This only makes his petty-ass team love him more.
Everyone, that is, except Jeff Wasburn, the spy Hooli planted to take Richard down.
But I couldnt resist mentioning the animators nasty, completely appropriate jab at Facebook.
Thats some good petty right there.
