RuPauls Drag Race
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Cue the confetti cannons.
Bowen: What a freaking season.
Thats the only holistic thought I can muster for now.
What felt like a nine-month-long season (not complaining, just saying!)
ended tonight in a true No Guts No Glory gauntlet of lip-sync extravaganza.
These girls were pulling out all the stunts.
And I do have mixed feelings about said stunts.
Bowen: Are stunts the new normal in drag now?
Is Sasha Velour to blame?
Matt: Heres my take: Sasha Velour didnt ruin drag like some fools are out there saying.
Bowen: Fools like me.
Sasha Velour incorporated a genius narrative into a song that she was assigned to perform.
Incidentally, she killed the lip sync of it.
The words to So Emotional looked like they were coming out of her mouth.
No one reallynailed itthe way that Sasha Velour did.
Not many do it as well.
But that doesnt mean itruined singing.
Matt:I didnt say whistle tones, bitch.
I said melismatic singing, honey.
Bowen:Mariah didnt invent melismas, sweetie.
Matt:You have a disease and I hope they find a cure.
Bowen: So what complicates your feelings about the stunts then?
We all know Asia is a fierce lip-syncer.
We dont live in a cartoon.
Butterflies dont just do what you want them to do.
We all wantedAsia OHarato succeed here.
I feel disappointed that she distracted herself from doing what she is so brilliant at.
We all saw Groove Is in the Heart.
Asia is to blame for her mistakes.
Not the winner of last season for being influential.
Im sad Asia wasnt in the final!
Bowen: But in some way, I admire Asias vision.
Its just so tragic to watch Asia disgraced, seeing it implode before her eyes.
Very high highs, very low lows.
She didnt time her last low very well, but I dont think this is the end for Asia.
She is someone who now has a real reason to come back forAll Stars.
Look, this is a queen that everyone with a brain loves and would want to see more of.
The redemption arc starts now!
Bowen: Meanwhile, Aquarias stunts were smartly conceived.
They were just reveals of different outfits.
And they were cool!
And Eureka was great!
But I didnt want to lose Aquaria to them when she was also executing her shit perfectly.
Luckily, we didnt.
Bowen: Which adds salt to the wound for Asia, in a way.
Not that it wasnt warranted, but just makes the whole situation even more devastating.
Matt:I mean, its gotta feel bad.
Bowen:Before we get into the final showdown, lets run through all the mostly bland lead-up moments.
Bowen: Agreed, but where was Tammie Brown?
What have they done to sweet, lovably weird Tammie?
RuPaul needs to be investigated.
Matt:Weird that she was missing!
Calling police on RuPaul.
Bowen: We are all of us #PermitPatty.
All I remember is Aquaria played the Nutcracker fairly recently and that Kamerons grandma is adorable.
By the way, the Vixen seemed to be in pretty good spirits!
She played ball all night and even clapped for Ru when she made her grand entrance.
She didnt wave her finger at her, but, you know, she clapped and smiled!
The Beginning is the song Ishouldhave lost my virginity to, but didnt.
Matt:I lost my virginity to American two weeks ago.
(Asia OHaraas-Cher voice.)
Just imagine that gif right here.
Anyway, lets talk about that final lip sync.
Three entered: Kameron Michaels, the lip-sync assassin.
Eureka OHara, the comeback queen.
And Aquaria, the rightful front-runner.
I mean, come on.
Gag city, yes.
But a lot was going on.
Bowen:My hope is that all of this portends the death of reveals for reveals sake.
If were forcing our finalists to be prop comics every season, where does that lead?
Every drag queen also needs to be a dolphin trainer?
Matt:That would be a fun challenge.
To make over a dolphin so that its gay and fabulous.
Bowen: Dolphins are sexually problematic and have no place in drag culture.
Matt: Look, I dont want to talk about animals.
Forty butterflies are dead.
Matt:Endoparasitoid Extraterrestrial But Make It Biblical Eleganza Extravaganza.
Sigourney Weaver wouldnt have survived this ho.
Bowen: No, bitch.
It was gorgeously Sasha, who gave a sweet and earnest answer about how her reigning year went.
Snaps for Monet X Change, a very, very, very deserving choice for Miss Congeniality.
That is how you really choose a Miss Congeniality and they got it exactly right.
Bowen:Would have gagged over Monique getting it, but Monet is a worthy winner!
She was too much.
Our collective queer amnesia cannot allow her to regain all the goodwill she has yet to earn back!
This is as political as I will get in this recap.
The woman appears to have no bones.
She can just fling that thing (her head) back and forth at 100 miles per hour.
It is thrilling but concerning.
If I did what she does repeatedly evenonceI think I would be … dead?
The fans are a joy.
The fandom is beautiful.
Bowen, final thoughts?
Bowen:Commenters are the lifeblood of this show!
Matt:Everybody say love!
The World:Love!
Bowen & Matt:… SAID THE BITCH!
