RuPauls Drag Race All Stars
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Hey, Super Queens!
And yes, I am talking to you, The Reader!
(Note: If you identify as straight, thats fine too.
I actually have a cousin who is straight!)
Queens with big things to prove metaphorically rise while others literally fall.
We have a terrific group of memorable and dynamic girls, so lets get reintroduced!
Shes serving red rosy bandleader drag queen and its gorgeous.
She could probably do them all herself this season and wed be thoroughly entertained.
and were happy to spread the talking heads around.
Her ensemble, made completely out of yellow zip-ties, is striking, as is the confidence shes exuding.
Were even getting a rebrand, honey!
Shed now like to be referred to as Trinity the Tuck.
Shifting focus from Trinitys tuck, lets talk about Naomi Smallsslegs.
Did she get those things stretched?
Can you do that surgically?
Guess whos black in the house, bitch!
Monet X Change is here, fresh off season ten, and shes wearing somehair!
Shes also wearing a basic black jumpsuit.
But, focusing on the positive, we love thehair!
Shes got the two Ps in spades, but those runways need to improve.
More than improve, they need tohappen.
Monet seems very aware of this fact, which makes the jumpsuit all the more of a question mark.
But, again, thehair!
Sheisthe boom boom gun and she has arrived.
Looking gorgeous both in her confessional and entering the werkroom, Gia Gunn assumes her place in the competition.
Seconds in, she calls Trinity a monster.
This seasons Bitch Goddess may have just arrived!
Let this woman teach a college course in growth!
Her comparison of Farrahs ass to that of Mr. Rogers is one for the ages.
If you dont stan Monique, I dont see you.
I refuse to see you!
We are talking about two entirely different worlds.
But the girls are happy and gagged to see her, and so am I.
Suddenly, RuPaul enters.
Could there be only eight queens?
After some squealing and excitement, RuPaul announces a twist.
They are back now to compete as individuals, and the other queens are justifiably shook.
Things just got very real, as its quite frankly tough to see either of them doing badly.
They are fully committing to this bit with the handcuffs.
The game is afoot.
Like the last two seasons ofAll Stars, we begin with a lighthearted reading challenge.
If youre waiting for a comedic punchline, youre gonna stay waiting.
Most everyone else lands fun little digs at their competition, while Farrah struggles, albeit with a laugh.
As is custom, RuPaul announces the variety talent show as the first maxi challenge of the season.
We are forever grateful.
Shes Emmy-worthy here and the cuts to her throughout the variety show are rewind-worthy.
Monique Heart is first, debuting her single Brown Cow Stunning based on her season-ten catchphrase.
at events, happenings, get-togethers, etc.
(Pay the Designer is one she created on this episode that could work.
Just an idea!)
She sings, she dances, she captivates the audience.
Hownow, Brown Cow!
At the very last second, Smalls gives us comedy!
Its almost as if she is asking that.
I love the reveal, as does RuPaul, and she looks stunning.
Gia Gunn has studied the art of kabuki for many years, and it shows in her beautiful performance.
Gunn doesnt have a go at subvert this or make this funny because were onDrag Race.
Look at this bitch containing multitudes!Owwwkay.
Where the fuck is her penis?
This is when the fun stops.
And she goes downhard.
Our first bottom-two contender.
Backstage, we can imagine theres a lot of whimpering.
When she dips into her lower register, she seems in complete control.
For some reason its just not working as well as Moniques Brown Cow Stunning.
Manila Luzons race-against-the-clock painting performance is a truly edge-of-your-seat experience.
She then reveals that the smock she is wearing turns into a dress that matches that very picture.
Its singular, its ahugerisk, and weve never seen anything like it on the show before.
Manila is a no-joke contender for the crown.
This is all true and the best comedy does lie in truth.
However, this performance does not register as good, per se, because it is not funny.
So, this was useful, in a way, for the culture.
Gaga, we had a good run, babe.
This shit will have you on your dumb gay feet.
To give credit where its due, she looks like a full-on supermodel pop-star combination.
Her smile is out of control.
Its not talent but it … feels like it is?
She does some dance steps.
Ten out of ten.
The judges reveal that Valentina, Latrice, Manila, and Gia are all safe.
However, when its announced that Farrah and Jasmine are the bottom two, no one is surprised.
The Re-Emancipation of Mimi, bitch.
Gag City, population: me.
She tearfully announces that she has decided to eliminate Jasmine out of fairness, and Ms. Masters sashays away.
Im sure shell be back in, what, 15 minutes?
We have what feels like a very fun season on our hands, people!
… SAID THE BITCH!
A Weekly Quote Roundup
Monique Heart:Miss Farrah is gorgeous, lets tell facts.
But, America, if you gon have your ass out, its supposed to look like J.
Not like Mr. Rogers.
My name is Matt Rogers and I have nothing more to say.
