Riverdale
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
Congratulations to Jughead, the newest Baxter Brothers writer!
You know, its oddly cozy, in a Jasons cabin fromFriday the 13th Part 2kind of way.
Hence the bitterness, alcoholism, abuse, etc.
Or at least thats his excuse.
Yes, shoots him, with a gun.
Major characters are being shot and were not even halfway through the episode.
Also, why would anyone ever eat at Pops ever again at this point?
How many local dads have to almost die there?
Anyway, hes fine, but not so fine he doesnt still need to go to the hospital.
Betty is horrified to learn that Polly mutilated a nurse a nurse named Betty, oddly enough.
She doesnt even remember it happening.
Awfully convenient that that worked, huh?
Elegant, isnt it?
Actually, not really, no.
The trigger word is tangerine, repeated three times in a row.
But when she arrives back home, Betty enters a trance.
Back in real life, Betty surmises that Caramels death marked Dark Bettys birth.
Charles suggests Betty go on some kind of mind-soul-metaphysical journey to stop her shadowy alter ego from ever forming.
Big Betty takes the rock and tells Little Betty to go play.
Sure, yup, got it.
Hiram can give, but Hiram can also take away.
Hiram is in fact especially good at taking away.
Its the recruiter for Columbia, Vs last, best shot at college admission.
Archies bloodlust backfires painfully when he realizes that a group of kids from the center saw the whole thing.
Well, skipped forest.
Why, jealousy over Jason, of course.
How can I live knowing that you are happy with my dead son?
You dont get what I cant have.
She does understand that he is not alive anymore, though, right?
After a healthy helping of chloroform, Penelope wakes up a prisoner in where else?
the underground sex bunker.
But Cheryl is finally ready to say goodbye to Jason.
(Whats going on with Julian?
Are we just going to drop him off at Goodwill and hope for the best?
A half-assed aquatic campfire on a chilly afternoon aint gonna cut it.
Families are hard, chapter two!
A stranger rolls up to the community center and introduces himself to Archie as Frank: Freds brother.
We havent had a surprise uncle arrive onRiverdalefor at least a week now, so Im glad weve course-corrected.
Cut to four weeks later.
What did you do, Betty?
Archie asks in horror, and Betty seemingly realizes only then that shes clutching a rock.
Lets talk when youre ready to air Surgeon Simulator-style POV footage of his autopsy.
And even then…
