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Then there isKid Safe, a childrens educational video created by psychosexual horror icon Stuart Gordon.

The year was 1988.
The instructional VHS market was in full bloom.
ButKid Safeoffers a first glimpse at how the horror director would approach a young audience.

You may recognize Martin fromDifficult PeopleandGreat News,where she plays everyones mother.
There is much of the uncanny in Martins performance.
(As a side note, the soundtrack toKid Safeis hard to ignore.

After sliding some bread into the toaster, Kathy stumbles upon a large bottle of gin in the cabinet.
She grabs the liquor, saying that her parents always drink to calm their nerves.
She races into the smoke-filled room to find that her toast is burning.

We are but masochists in the void.
Triaminic CEO: Mr. Gordon, how familiar are you with Canadian sketch comedy?
There is no hope in Kathys world, only escalating terrors and constant isolation without chance of rescue.

Kathy has no mouth, and she must scream.
Yes, Triaminic spared no expense when it came to bringing in the star power forKid Safe.
It is very humble of Meshach to not demand top billing onKid Safe.

After a brief lesson in CPR, the adults are ready to take their leave.
Kathy, determined to be responsible for her own death, invites the stranger in.
This is community policing at its finest.

Having finally learned the perils of stranger danger, Kathy is once again left alone.
For once it seems like Kathy might just survive the night.
But wait.Kid Safehas one last twist for us.

Theres a knock at the door.
A low, gravelly voice pleads with Kathy to open up.
The stranger claims to be a friend of Kathys parents, but she is unmoved.

This interloper doesnt even have $28 million dollars.
The strangers ploy has failed.
Then the identity of the stranger is revealed.

Yes, outside the door is a machete-wielding, yet legally distinct due to copyright reasons, Jason Voorhees.
Perhaps one who didnt benefit from a private safety lesson fromMannequins own Hollywood Montrose.
Thus ends Stuart Gordons first and last foray into the world of straight-to-video edutainment.

Happy Halloween, kids.



