Nashville
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Nashvillehas only been gone for five months and suddenly everyone is platinum blond.
First, weve got Maddie, giving Taylor Momsen realness with her new towhead.
(Seems vaguely out of character for her, though.
Isnt she supposed to be the all-natural throw in?)
Then, the shock of my life: Will playing basketball with some skinny blond fella New boyfriend?
I wonder and it turns out to be Gunnar!
I swear to God, the adventures of Gunnars hair deserve their own TV show.
As it turns out, my thinking that Gunnar was Wills new boyfriend was not completely off the mark.
It started, as I mentioned, with the two boys on the basketball court.
Come to think of it, that is solid advice for watchingNashvillein general.)
Will gives Gunnar some performance pointers shaking his butt and doing his flirting cowboy routine which Gunnar finds intimidating.
(This is a damn accurate self-assessment from Will.)
Meanwhile, Gunnar isnt the only one with romantic woes.
Will sees Zach (yes, we still have a Zach) with some hunk-of-the-month and gets jealous.
Anyway, Will and Gunnar compare notes on their broken hearts, while spending lots of time together.
Hey, theyre both single!
And sharing emotional stuff!
And they reallygeteach other … but Im ahead of myself.
Then, its New Years Eve and Gunnar gets on stage.
He starts to sing but panics and forgets the words.
From the back of the theater, Will rushes onto stage to rescue him.
They sing a perfect duet.
Then its almost midnight.
But they shouldve, man!
It was a really good rom-com up until that point.
Over at Chez Claybourne, the gang poses for a late Christmas photo in front of the tree.
Deacon cant deny his disappointment, but he encourages her to go and asks Scarlett to chaperone.
Daphne and Maddie then have the same conversation they always have.
Daphne: Can I come to New York with you?
Maddie: LOL no.
Jonah is officially cancelled.
She agrees and then leaves with him.
(Scarlett, I believe, was just Daphned.)
Basically, Deacon has turned into your grandpa.
Hes very sad about being alone on New Years (hello!?
Is Daphne chopped liver??)
and even ventures onto a dating site called Kissmet, but chickens out before putting up a profile.
(Also, Im confused.
Didnt he almost kiss Jessie last time we saw him?
I had resigned myself to them becoming a thing.)
I love me some force-fed sentimentality!
Shes being old Juliette hilariously barking at stage-lighting guys (I will ruin you!)
and seems poised and confident when she gets on stage.
One reads: Backstabber!
Another reads, Song Thief!
and the third reads, Youre No Rayna.
Then they start heckling her.
Of course, Juliette takes the bait and responds to them, although she seems more pained than angry.
My whole life is asking people for their love, she says.
I think I just need to stop.
And then she walks off stage.
The incident is immediately dubbed the Music City Meltdown.
She and Avery decide to take a vacation and go to Asheville, North Carolina, of all places.
He is the king of psychobabble-y one-liners:
Complication is just an excuse to avoid the truth.
Sarcasm is the last resort of the fearful.
And his personal favorite: You have to give up control to get control.
Are you a good mother?
He asks her to close her eyes and count to ten and really answer the question.
Juliette obliges, gets sad, and Hayden Panettiere does her patented Tears on Command routine.
(It never fails to impress.)
She says shell think about his offer.
Juliette then decides to straighten the record on the whole Music City Meltdown by going on some radio show.
Shed pick someone nice and nurturing, like Ellen or Hoda.
Lets open it up to callers if thereareany Juliette Barnes fans out there, DJ Resting Bitchface says.
A caller immediately lays into Juliette about stealing Maddies song and Juliette begins to lash out at her.
Its been really bad lately.
There might be a lot of listeners who know what that feels like.
Im trying to get it under control.
Then she announces that shes postponing her tour.
That night, Juliette calls Darius Enright.
Im ready, she says.
Juliettes gotta Juliette.
