Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood
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Time to sit down for another relaxing episode ofLove & Hip Hop: Hollywood.
We start this episode with … fighting.
Spoiler alert: The middle of the episode is fighting.
And the end of the episode?
Well you guessed it, people are fighting.Love & Hip Hop: Hollywoodhas more violence than a UFC tournament.
Because our favorite cast members lack the emotional maturity to resolve problems with their words.
I cant relate to this at all.
I have never been in a physical altercation, certainly not of the televised variety.
But lets hop in.
These are parents throwing coleslaw at each other in a public restaurant.
This is not the environment I would want to bring a child into, but thats just me.
Someone people like tomatoes, other people like to throw food.
Lets hop on over to the nextFamily FeudTM.
Amber is a way-off-brand Kim who has neither the confidence or the business savvy.
It is abundantly clear that Shun Love is trying to live vicariously through her daughters career.
I dont understand this, but I dont have children.
One day, I could name my daughter Ziwe Jr. and make her join the New York Philharmonic.
It truly doesnt matter, there are bigger and better fights for us to get into anyway.
This next confrontation is not necessarily a fight between people, but rather a fight between Brooke and reality.
I may not relate to her journey, but I certainly respect the hustle.
Our next Battle RoyaleTM is at Akbars house.
Its not entirely clear what these women are fighting about.
At some point, Alessandra and Not Sade start to bicker about who gets to speak.
Teairra realizes that this conversation is fruitless and makes the second best decision to leave.
This is when Not Sade and Alessandra cut loose like a pack of wildebeest, charging Teairrra and Paris.
Akbar is left in the dust wondering how he let this get so out of control.
There were cardio, surprise attacks, and aerial leaps.
Id like to submit my resume.
This is what they played Noreiga to break his psyche.
Its not music, its torture.
And Shun Love knows this and shes enraged because she dropped $20,000 on this record.
I dont blame her for being upset, I blame her for wasting that kind of money on garbage.
If you want to set up your daughter financially for life, consider buying her some stocks and bonds.
To put it mildly, the raw vocals sound like a cat being waterboarded.
Everyone grimaces as their ears bleed.
Finally, we head to that comes off as the Last SupperTM.
Id like to approach this scene as a case study in each cast member playing their role.
We start with Ray J and Princess.
She rightfully tells Ray J to get over his feelings and stop causing drama.
Ray J says hell pay for dinner.
This is the least he could do for ruining what is supposed to be A1 and Lyricas baby announcement.
Ray J is our de facto pot-stirrer and Princess is his foil.
Brooke announces that she and Marcus have gotten re-engaged for the first time.
Safaree arrives at the party and says nearly nothing, hes playing the role of unwilling antagonist.
Anything less is cowardly.
Also, props to Marcus, who is playing his role of giving reaction shots.
Its a little late for that, Safaree.
But again, I cant relate to this.
