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Its been over ten years since British pop star Lily Allenmade her cheeky U.S. debutwith 2006sAlright, Still.
Since then, shes faded out of the national spotlight.
For the first time, she reveals why she hasnt been able to return to the U.S. until recently.
Without blowing my own trumpet, she says.
But I was just too honest.
I had a massive tour booked here that I had to cancel.
What happened with the visa?
Can you talk about it?Maybe not … but they asked me had I ever taken drugs?
And I said, Yeah, obviously.
So they said, Okay, denied!
By that time there was no album or tour.
Then I had two kids.
[Awkward laugh.]
You know, I signed a small deal with EMI when I was 19 years old.
Im still in that deal.
Everythingthats happened has been beyond my expectations.
Im amazed that people come to my gigs.
I would love to be able to do America properly again.
Because I have kids, I cant.
I have to have that balance.
Youre taking a lot of responsibility for your pitfalls.
But it must be challenging being under the labels thumb?Being on a major is definitely frustrating.
I put the music up there before it was on the labels radar.
The idea of giving music away for free they hated it.
They said, No!
Flash-forward to now, they give everything away.
[Social media] is how Dua Lipa is marketed now.
Ive always been one step ahead.
I wish they would say, Lily knows about the internet, lets listen to her.
The information has to come from some digital marketing male.
Then theyll hire someone else wholl say exactly the same thing and theyll be like, Great idea!
Do you see your own market research?I dont.
Well, I did onSheezus.Thats why I had a breakdown.
I cant talk about myself as a product.
It makes me feel ill.
I wanna make good shit and have enough money to support my kids.
I dont live in a castle.
I dont have a driver.
Just cause Im in theDaily Mailall the time doesnt mean Im a multibillionaire.
I wouldnt assume youre a multibillionaire.But people do.
I love people enjoying my music.
I lovesuccess.Thatsnot the success Im after.
If the music is good and people react to that great.
If its not and people dont, that pushes me to do better.
Do you think that your idea of success was different before?
The tabloids got to me.
They were gunning for me to fail.
I wanted success cause I didnt want horrible journalists to write, Ha-ha, her albums a flop.
Success meant proving people wrong?Yeah.
Do you feel less motivated by that now?Yeah.
I had to gather myself before this record.
I havent been going to high-profile events and doing fashion stuff.
That stuffs lovely, but its the icing on the cake once the musics good.
WithSheezus,I didnt give enough respect to it.
I was having an identity crisis.
I was listening to everybody else for the first time.
Maybe I had postnatal depression.All I wanted was to get on the radio.
I wanted magazine covers.
When those things didnt go to plan, my world collapsed.
Going into this album, I wanted to make the music the best.
The goal had to be validation, not expectation.
Would you say you dont likeSheezusnow?No I do, but it was all confused.
I was writing while thinking about radio, hooks, being Lily Allen bolshy, confident, snarky.
I was writing music for peoples expectations rather than for me.
Was motherhood similarly impacting your creativity negatively?Yeah, hormones.
I didnt just have one baby.
I had a baby that died [Allen suffered a stillbirth with a son in 2010].
Then I was pregnant with Ethel three months later.
Three months after her, I was pregnant with Marnie.
I did two and a half years pregnant, which was fucking insane.
My hormones were all over the shop.
It was only after the tour that I started to come back down to earth.
Last night at the gig, you said you didnt want to go home when theSheezustour finished.
Were you uncomfortable only at the end of theSheezusera?No, it was everything.
Bullied how?They made me do it.
I said, I dont wanna be in a John Lewis advert.
And they said, If you dont, the morales gonna be low at the label.
John Lewis payed for studio costs, promo, everything.
1 for four weeks, got 250 million plays on Spotify.
I dont see any of it, cause its not my song.
I didnt write it.
The label owns copyright of me.
How did that make you feel?Betrayed.
Also, I was 14 stone and I had to lose all that weight.
I wasnt eating, I wasnt sleeping.
I felt like I was inAlice in Wonderland.
What is all this?
What are these songs?
Why am I nowhere near my children?
You lost your anchor.I lost my sense of self.
I lost my identity.
I was being a bad mum.
I was being bad at my job.
Id wake up on a tour bus in the middle of Wisconsin and be so hung-over.
I cheated on my husband.
All I wanted to do was be with my kids.
I wasnt even making any money.
I literally had to hit rock bottom and build myself back up.
Then I had my stalker [in 2016 Allen revealed that astalker had broken into her home].
I couldnt have been more isolated.
I lost all of my friends.
I couldnt talk to anybody.
I was on my own.
The songs Apples, Family Man, and What You Waiting For?
are about the divorce.
You put the blame on yourself.
Why?I blame myself.
Im a big girl.
I should be able to look after myself, and I couldnt.
You mentioned alcohol consumption on tour.
I dont take drugs any more.
I do drink occasionally.
I need to not let the tabloids knock me for six when they say something horrible.
I need to not take it personally if BBC Radio 1 put me on the B-list.
If someone says Im ugly I need to not let it in.
Is validation your main trigger?Yes.
I had a heartbreaker the other day.
I did [U.K. TV show]Sounds Like Friday Night.
I sang a song, then James Bay sang a song.
Then something Seconds of Summer.
Five Seconds Of Summer.Im such a gran now.
So I brought the kids.
Ella Eyre came on to do a song and Marnie went, Is she better than you, mummy?
And I went, No!
She didnt say that with James Bay or Five Seconds of Summer.
Ethel said, Is this a competition?
Is there a prize?
Theyre 5 and 6.
I dont know how you protect them from that.
I dont let them watch TV on their own.
Theyre not on their iPads unsupervised.
The fact theyve managed to pick that up is mind-blowing.
Youre very vocal on Twitter.
Other pop stars arent.
Do you think theyre too scared?It goes back to peoples idea of success.
Most people have a goal to be really famous and play massive venues.
so you can do that you have to yo everybody.
My goal has always been to have a laugh and not compromise my sense of self.
Social media is there for people to converse.
Im not in it for fake engagement.
Im not in it for that game.
What is yourread on Kanyes Twitter?
Is that a game?It reminds me of when he used to wax lyrical about Louis Vuitton bags.
Hes trying to find meaning in thisstuff.I find him fascinating.
He exists in another dimension.
Everyone is talking about his tweets.
Do you think being disruptive is his goal?Who knows what his goal is.
Hes a people person.
Hes married into a family that have the biggest social-media spread.
Hes fascinated by what that means.
Maybe this Donald Trump stuff is an experiment.
Who fucking knows whats going on in his head.
Its also crazy that people say that just because hes supporting Donald Trump, hes clinically insane.
If thats true, half of the country is clinically insane because heispresident.
He got voted in.
Some people think his tweets are a cry for help.
Have you ever used Twitter for that?No.
People always say I do things for attention.
Im a pop star.
Its what were all doing, isnt it?
Thats what Instagram is.
Everyone is attention-seeking all the time.
But its okay to attention seek if youre doing it about your body.
Its not okay to attention seek if you want to talk about the state of the world.
The British public said you were attention-seeking when you appeared on Channel 4 news afterthe Grenfell fire in London.
Critics inferred this was a chance for you to make a splash before your comeback.Mmm.
They use me to ward off other people in similar positions.
Theres a reason people dont talk about these things.
Im an example of why you wouldnt.
Can you explain that to me?I read an article with M.I.A.
She says the media make an example of her to tell other pop stars not to follow suit.
Musicians have way more power than mainstream media want them to realize.
MySpace was amazing for that.
You got to know artists.
Spotify doesnt enable artists to have more of a direct line to their fans.
They hear their opinion, they get a sense of who they are, they pledge allegiance to that.
The Rupert Murdochs and Paul Dacres of this world areterrifiedof that power.
They want to control the narrative.
Wed been speaking to a fireman and the information out there didnt match the information we were getting.
I didnt call up Channel 4 news and say, Can I be on the news?
I was there because Im part of the community.
Jon Snow [news anchor] saw me and said, Do you fancy coming on?
To be a voice for the people?Not a voice for the people.
But, you know, to put some alternative facts out there.
When the #MeToo movement kicked off, you raised anincident with James Corden.
He flirted with you on your TV show in the late 2000s.
But I am a follower of pop culture, and Im not seeing much change.
I dont think James Corden was doing anything bad.
Hes a sweet guy.
But my reaction to his advances was the bit that was under scrutiny, not his advances.
Thats the world that we live in.
On this album, you talk about you being taken advantage of.
Higher sounds like its about a business relationship.
[Lyrics: Why did you do it?
Why would you choose to use and abuse me?
]It is 100 percent.
Everyone thinks Im talking about an ex lover.
Can you reveal more specifically what youre getting at?I dont know how to talk about it.
I dont know the legalities.
Its insane that I dont know what the legal repercussions of me talking about my experiences are.
Thats not a nice position to be in.
I imagine thats very isolating, too.Yep.
You described yourself as a disruptor.
Is that how you view your role in 2018?I think of myself as a nonconformist.
Im not going to censor myself to be more brand-friendly.
Thats not a world I want my daughters to grow up in.
Thats how Donald Trump got into power.
I dont set out to annoy people or grab headlines.
I say the truth because thats all I have.
What about pop excites you right now?Not a lot.
I love Charli XCX, Marina [and the Diamonds], Beyonce, Rihanna.
Im not into Spotify stuff thats constructed for the market.
It makes me feel sick.
Theres a perception of you as a bratty troublemaker who hasnt grown up.
Do you feel grown up?No.
I feel like a child.
I always think that people are older than me and now theyre not.
Didnt we have a thing on Twitter after?
Id have been high on cocaine.
Its okay, it was a very on-brand Lily Allen experience.
Is it more or less likely that youd act that way now?Less.
I dont go to those awards ceremonies now.
I dont like being at self-congratulatory popularity contests.
Thats when I start to reach for alcohol and drugs.
It never ends well because I tell perfectly nice people to fuck off.
Why do you think you do that?Because Im showing off.
Because all I wanna do is go home.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
