Jersey Shore Family Vacation
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Last weeks fightends exactly as it began: Amid extreme confusion.
The house has been successfully defended, with no casualties.
In the car, Angelina apologizes for her part in the rumble.
Angelina corrects him: Moses was the one who had all the animals.
Uh, no, Nicole chimes in, Adam and Eve had all the animals.
Well, Ronnie reminds us, Jesus came before all of them.
Nicole counters that Jesus flewin.
Okay, but how do cavemen fit into the whole thing, Angelina wants to know?
Theres nothing quite like a faith-affirming, 4 a.m. Bible study with the spiral squad.
The other roommates are unanimously suspicious of her story, which features a number of eyebrow-raising details.
A bag of bullets was found in the backyard?
And she still hasnt left the house?
Could this be an inside job, if not an outright lie?
Is Jen the girl who cried wolf, or the girl who dragged her babys father behind a car?
Your life is a fucking movie, Deena says to Ron.
Its a television show, he corrects her, smiling at the camera
No, she doubles down.
Like, its a bad movie lately.
Pauly gently suggests she conjured up this big story.
At this, Mike takes an Untucked Lounge-worthydramatic sipof his drink.
She wouldnt do that, Ronnie says, though the data suggests otherwise.
Instead, he blames the people she chooses to surround herself with.
(Who, I wonder, was surrounding her in the drivers seatthat fateful night?)
Nevertheless, Ron convinces Jen to take the baby to stay at his place.
Hell fly out to join them tomorrow.
First, he has some important charity work to do.
At Point Pleasants own Jenks, each cast member eagerly solicits donations from boardwalk strollers.
I signed up last year after Kathie Lee did aTodaysegment on Be the Match that made me cry!)
This is a very sweet and wholesome occasion.
Danny from the Shore Store made everyone matching T-shirts.
Nicoles kids, Vinnys mom and Uncle Nino, and Roger are on hand, as are both Chrises.
(Even Paulys number-one supporter Vanessa is there!)
DJ Pauly D spins for a rambunctious crowd during the evenings dance-a-thon-slash-live auction.
Several young women chip in $875 for the unheard-of privilege of touching Paulys blowout.
(One girls delighted review, interpreted via lip-reading: It doesnt move!)
Nine big-hearted, wet-livered philanthropists contribute a total of $2,400 (!)
to each take a shot with Nicole.
Thats right: nine shots.
The auction winners line up on stage and she gamely knocks back drink after drink.
About this and approximately 1 million other things, Chris continues to distinguish himself as an unreasonably good sport.
In total, they raise more than $40,000!
(And provides one last Freudian slip opportunity of the season for me and my keyboard: crowd-suffers.)
Until then, I, for one, will be staring atthis imageof Pauly sans hair gel.
It is the only sustenance I require.
