Jersey Shore Family Vacation
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We pick up with Angelina and Vinny where we left themlast week.
Their sexual tension has boiled off and now the pot is scorched.
Out on the deck, Nicole runs away from a mosquito.
Dont touch me, she screams.
Youre going to sting me and then Im going to itch for years.
This is better than any way I could think of to sum up Vinnys feelings towards Angelina.
Its never been done.
He cant help savoring the monster dish, hailing it as perfectly cooked and a 10.
Oddly enough, it is Nicole, not Mike, who ends up barfing.
While the others head for the club, Jenni takes Nicole to a pharmacy for a pregnancy test.
How far weve come!
Ron spends much of the evening staring angrily at his phone.
The CIA should hire Jen as a consultant to kick around some new enhanced interrogation techniques.
This is my friend Single Ronnie, Pauly tells Lindsay.
I mean, I dont know.
Ronnie climbs into the girls cab, an act of sexual espionage.
He wastes no time in deploying his trademark aggressive, irresistible brand of flirting.
RON: You want swimming?
RON: Go swimming?
LINDSAY: Is it heated?
RON: Yes, it is.
All right, so you go swimming?
LINDSAY: All right.
Nicole texts the boys a photo of Ron and JB sitting together.
Her caption: Another French fry.
In a confessional, Ronnie says he knows everyone thinks hes about to reheat those fries.
Im not spiraling like that, yet, he protests.
But in the kitchen, Ronnie takes a swig of liquor, then a swig of cherry juice.
Who even drinks cherry juice?
Not people who are not spiraling, Ill tell you that much.
(Mike wasnotpart of the three and you know it, woman.)
Lets just say his name rhymes with Yanni.Hearing this, Nicole buries her face in her blanket.
Ron mutters to himself, I think I should go to bed, then begins panting.
He does not go to bed.
Nicole asks whos getting in the hot tub.
Ill go, Ron answers immediately, then tacks on a half-hearted I guess.
Its one thing to make a terrible decision and then repeat it.
So youre still not single yet, opens Jewish Barbie, but Rons only response is lighting a cigarette.
Ron removes his shirt.
They move from the pool to the jacuzzi.
Oh god, oh no.
As Vinny explains, The jacuzzi is, like, ratchet time.
Thats where Rons hand first became acquainted withthe original French frys ass.
JB removes her robe.
Shes inching in, shes inching inshes in!
Shes in the hottub, Vinny exclaims, withgooooooooooalenthusiasm.
For now, at least, they remain a respectful five feet away from each other.
Inside, Jenni gets a text from Jen: She cant get a hold of Ron.
A hush falls over the peanut gallery.
Jewish Barbie compliments one of Ronnies tattoos, then all of them.
Now theyre only about three feet away from one another.
Mike has even made popcorn for the occasion.
They get out of the jacuzzi, but the night is young.
Jewish Barbie asks to borrow a shirt.
Ron tells her she can sleep in his bed.
She scoots under the blanket.
And there goes my life, he says in the dark.
