Jersey Shore Family Vacation
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The Situation is now the Hitchuation!
But a dark horse contender for tonights Spiral Squad champion is about to emerge.
Angelina begins by resting an arm on a very uninterested Vinnys shoulder, then dances onto his lap.
This surreal charm offensive crescendos with her roll that tape back?
momentarily resting a hand on his crotch.
Go in her bed, Nicole demands.
Vinny leaves; Angelina hides under her blanket.
Go in his room, Nicole demands.
Nothing has transpired, that weve seen, that she could possibly be mad at Vinny for.
Do not let her in my room, Vinny groans, seemingly addressing producers off camera.
They ignore his plea.
Angelina jumps right onto him, hurting his arm; he kick-deflects her onto the adjacent bed.
You wanna fuck right now?
Get in my bed right now.
Lets go, he says.
Are we going to watch sexuals?
Yeah, answers Nicole, giving the question serious thought.
But there will be no sexuals to watch.
I dont thinkyoulike Chris, bro, observes Jenni.
The next morning, Mike takes Jenni along to a rehab speaking engagement.
But shit, shes still drunk when she wakes up is that okay?
Umm, I wouldnt advertise it, Mike says.
Heres hoping she gargled!
They have a very touching meeting with a man (from Seaside!)
The other roomies, eventually, rise and shine.
Downstairs, taping a confessional, Angelina reports, Vinny loves me.
I think everybody sees it.
Upstairs, Vinny expresses his unequivocal hatred for Angelina.
After last night, hes done.
He can take no more.
After Nicole repeatedly insists she apologize to Vinny (you cant just go around grabbing peoples genitals!
What did I do to you?
In a voice so quiet that it is barely perceptible to human ears, Vinny answers, All good.
So no, not good.
So what if she only just got called back up to the majors.
Jenni (who, Id so quickly forgotten, was AngelinasPublic Enemy No.
1earlier this season) suggests they develop a safe word for when hes about to lose it.
Something smart, so it stands out.
Ron offers this wisdom: Do unto others what you want done to yourself, right?
But even the master tension diffuser cannot derail the massive screaming match thats about to unfold before him.
Angelina, who cannot read a room, explains to Vinny, Youre obsessed with me.
You literally love me.
Then she likens herself to his sainted, beloved mother, a comparison that Vinny does not appreciate.
STOP TALKING ABOUT ME, he screams from across the room.
Stop talking to me, he says over, and over, and over again.
Still, she does not.
A shore house divided against itself cannot vacation.
