Jersey Shore Family Vacation
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May her third child be a meatballsculine child.
How could he want to do this?
a dumbfounded Pauly asks his own pillow in the dark.
An answer is not forthcoming.
Schrodingers Cheater takes a shower as Jewish Barbie curls up under the covers.
And there goes my life, we hear him monologue through the bathroom door.
Not gonna be good.
Nothing about this is good.
Nothing good can come from this.
Apparently, exactly nineeversand not a singleeverfewer is the push Ron needs to abstain from self-destruction.
He wanders downstairs and whiles away the remaining hours until sunrise moodily smoking and texting.
Walkie talkies, bandanas, and face-concealing pantyhose hosiery are obtained with mysterious ease.
Angelina, Nicole, and Jenni wear football-style eye black on their cheeks.
The heist is on.
The shore house is nice and clean, they promise, and its not even far!
Shell have her own bedroom and private bathroom!
At the restaurant, his empty chair serves as a much-needed buffer between Vinny and Angelina.
Oddly enough, though, its she and Pauly who have by far the weirdest interaction of the night.
Do you have a bra on?
Helpfully, Angelina smacks one fist onto her other hand with cervix-bruising force to illustrate her point.
She just wants to be pounded out, Nicole coos sympathetically.
In the cab ride home, Angelina tells the girls that shes ecstatic that the king, a.k.a.
Pauly, should notice her boobs.
The king of your life is yourman, Jenni chides her.
My fiance is the king of garbagemen, Angelica replies.
Back home, the Ronbernation continues, to everyones great distress.
Hes dyiiiing is Nicoles exact diagnosis.
I, for one, am not worried.
(If wed had smartphones then, I wouldve been on LiveJournal under the covers.)
Lo and behold, by morning, Ron is feeling much better.
He even joins the boys for a haircut.
Mike gets his nose hair waxed at the barbershop.
Until, of course, you remember that nose hair always grows back.
