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It was a directive, an imperative: Call your mom because you were a bratty, precious teenager.
Call your mom because youre having relationship problems.
Call your mom becauseArmie Hammer didnt eat the peach.
Michael B. Jordan sneering Hey, Auntie inBlack Panther.
Nicholas Hoult saying that he likes to gossip inThe Favourite.
Bradley Coopers long hair and beard, and hisdeep Jackson Maine voice.
EvenVice a movie that I didnt enjoy gave me something.
(A nap.)
Marry a man, he will fuck it up.
Are you in the mood to finally recognize the humble humanity in your familys domestic worker?
She listens in on all his calls like a dutiful assistant.
She wipes crumbs from his beard.
She also ignores his many affairs, and has been ghostwriting all of his novels.
(He cant even recognize the name of a major character from his most famous books!)
DittoColette, where Keira Knightley writes a series of books about a ravishing character under her husbands name.
Willy locks her in bedrooms and offices, making her write more and more.
He doesnt evengetthe work, but he demands it.
What doColletteandThe Wifehave in common?
Husbands, and a few truly bizarre accents, but mostly husbands.
They are, by all accounts, a liability.
Early on, however, she falls for a cute boy fromDunkirkand agrees to marry him.
Her husband sleeps with her gay best friend and then tries to usurp her.
Elizabeth remained unmarried, and she also remained queen.
Mary got married and was beheaded.
So the women get in cahoots and repay their husbands debts.
Its not that all men are bad.
(Although, honestly, I mean yes they are kind of the worst.
Also, all three of these dads are attractive-to-hot, which certainly helps their case.
If youre married, theres always someone else around to empty the trash.
These are really the only advantages I can think of when it comes to having a husband.
The cinematic evidence seems overwhelmingly in favor of never marrying.
