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Was I gallant enough to get through the whole thing, or would I end up on the floor?

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Read on below for my account, complete with recipes for you to follow along with yourself.

(I recommend turning onPhantom Thread Ibefore you begin.)

But remember: Whatever youre going to cook, cook it carefully.

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If you do not want to feel like a friendless loner, I recommend making more.

Ingredients 1 cup flour 1 tablespoon sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder (not soda!)

In a mixing bowl, combine all the dry ingredients.

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Cut the butter into smaller pieces and mix it in with your hands.

Spread the dough out on a flat surface until its around 1 inch thick.

Use something round I used a 13 cup measuring cup to cut out discs about 2 inches wide.

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Preheat the oven to 425, but let the scones rest for a bit before you put them in.

This is a good time to make the tea or the sausages.

Mix the egg yolk with the 1 tablespoon of milk, then brush it over the scones.

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Put the scones on a greased baking sheet, then into the oven.

Check them at 12 minutes, then go from there.

7.

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After the scones are done, let them chill outside the oven some more.

This is a good time to make the rest of the breakfast.

(I took the lazy way out and bought some.)

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(Only the best for our Reynolds.)

Boil a lot of water in a kettle.2.

Put the tea leaves in a metal tea infuser.3.

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Put the infuser in your teapot, then pour in the boiling water.4.

Brew until the tea is your preferred strength (around 10 minutes for me).

Im not sure if its gauche to add milk, but I did and it was good.

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Just like the tea, do you really need instructions on how to cook sausages?

Ingredients As many sausage links as you want As much bacon as you want Oil or butter

Steps1.

Heat the oil or butter in a frying pan over medium heat.

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(The Sunrecommends using butter, which is perhaps the best reason to use oil.)2.

After CAREFULLY SEPARATING the sausages, cook them until theyre brown and crispy.3.

Welsh rabbit with a poached egg

This is the big one.

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(1) There is no rabbit in Welsh rabbit.

(The word rarebit does not otherwise appear in the English language.)

Since thePhantom Threadscene takes place in Yorkshire, could that be what Reynolds is ordering?

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(I was also worried about running out of eggs.)

I also added a bit of paprika, because thats just the kind of crazy guy I am.

If you feel like going fancy, spring for a crumbly English cheese like Lancashire or Gloucester.

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1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce Paprika, to taste

Steps1.

In the broiler, lightly toast the bread on one side.

This will help it stand up to the piles of gooey cheese youre about to heap onto it.3.

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Add the butter, Worcestershire sauce, and paprika.

Stir until its all melted.5.

Heat and stir until the clumpy yellow vomit-looking thing in the pan turns into a beautiful golden cheese sauce.

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Flip the toast over and put it on a baking sheet.

Spoon the sauce onto the untoasted side of the bread.

Go crazy with it.

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In a perfect world, the cheese will overflow the sides of the bread like delicious, gooey lava.7.

Turn the broiler on high and toast at least until the cheese starts to bubble.

After that, its up to you.

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Serve with a poached egg on top of each slice of toast.

But was I cut out to be Reynolds, the hungry boy?

Laid out before me was a breakfast feast: Three courses, each very filling on their own.

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My first bite was the Welsh rabbit.

It was the right choice.

Is there any food experience as satisfying as slicing into a poached egg?

The meats were … fine.

Sausages could have used a little more char, but both they and the bacon did their job.

Did I need to keep eating them?

Did I want to keep eating them?

I realized I had forgotten the scones.

The mistake was soon corrected.

They were humble and unshowy, a supporting player that allowed the jam and cream to shine.

I tried to save the final bite for them a little private dessert.

All together, they formed a breakfast that was almost impossibly decadent, which is of course the point.

This is a meal of carbs, dairy, more carbs, and grease.

There wasnt a vegetable in sight.

Around the halfway point, I started to slow down.

The problem, it turned out, was the Welsh rabbit.

In the end, they conquered me.

I got roughly 80 percent through the breakfast before I had to tap out.

I may never know.

I was sweating, and my stomach felt like a bag of cement.

I went for a six-mile walk, after which my stomach felt like a slightly smaller bag of cement.

On the bright side, I finally had Reynolds Woodcocks ideal shape he loves a little belly.