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you’re able to catch her at theGramercy Theatre on October 15.
How can that be?
I thought authors were rich?
Ummmm, the lucky few like J. K. Rowling and Stephen King are.
But not even with your book advance?
My advance for #YouCantTouch was $25,000 before taxes and before my managers and lit agents commissions.
Thats how it felt to have this paltry advance divvied up.
I explained to my publisher my dire situation.
They put a rush job on depositing the next batch of money to me and I used itall.
So there I was.
And all I could think was, How did I get here again?
But this time, they were worse.
Im not one of your nappyheaded friends.
And I certainly couldnt tell my parents at this point.
I was too embarrassed and, more importantly, I was livid.
And you best believe I was trying.
Yet I was failing every single time to get ahead.
Every single day, I would ask why.
Why am I going through this financial situation when other people I know arent?
Why can I never get ahead of this debt?
Why am I struggling in New York City, eight years into a career that still isnt paying off?
Why will no one hire me?
Why does no one believe in me?
I dont deserve this, so why is this happening to me?
Why cant I have money?
Why does money hate me?
Why is money a stupid heaux?
What amIsupposed to learn from this?
How did that question get in there?
It was about me.
So what the hell was the lesson?
I mean, yes, obviously, dont blow your severance package.
Be conservative with money during trying times.
Those are all wonderful lessons.
Money rules some folks by making them believe they have to spend all the time.
I was going to be saddled with this dictator, so I might as well accept it.
I might as well hide this part of my life, hide this shame and accept my fate.
But what if I didnt anymore?
What if I decided to think about money differently?
Maybe money is a heaux, but in a good way.
After all, I didnt have to pursue comedy.
That was a choice I made.
Again, that was a choice.
So accept it, Pheebs.
Accept the good and the bad that comes with my approach to money.
She didnt judge me.
I told another friend and still another friend.
Again and again, no one judged me.
They just were there for me emotionally.
Still, I didnt tell too many people.
I didnt want everyone in my grill lol and that everyone included my parents.
I wasnt quite ready for Ma and Pa Robinson knowing what I got myself into.
You cant control that, so who the fuck cares?
And if we all just decided to not be so secretive about money, maybe wed all feel better?
I know that once I stopped hiding, I did.
I would say this to myself every single day.
Youarepaying off all your debt in the next two years.
it’s possible for you to do this.
Wait a minute …
Holy fuck.
This is not for show.
I am truly freaking out right now!
Okay, youre probably like, Pheebs, what the hell is going on?
This is just wild.
So October 2016, I made that promise to myself.
In the spring of 2017,2 Dope Queensthe podcast was blowing up in popularity.
So much so that Jessica and I had Carrie Brownstein ofPortlandiaand SleaterKinney fame as a guest.
A week later, I was asked if I wanted to write on the show; I said yes.
Cut to right now.
Copyright 2018 by Phoebe Robinson.
