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George Wallace opens his 2004 comedy albumLarge and in Chargewith a bit called New Kids Today.
But a cursory glance atWallaces Twitter timelineshows that hes adopted a slightly different tune.
The funny is always present even when he gets real.
How are you so damn good at Twitter?Im not good.
And Twitter is challenging because you gotta do it in so many short words.
What Im good at is delivering these jokes onstage at night.
I dont play by the rules and I dont give a shit.
Ill pick my teeth with an ice pick and pick ice with a toothpick.
Ill eat a pancake from a cup and a cupcake on a pan.
Thats what it takes to be good on Twitter.
Im just saying stupid shit, and all of a sudden it caught on.
But its fun tweeting.
Id tweet out a throwaway line with a little twist and then people started responding.
Like, We were so poor we could only watchSanford.
We never knew about a son.
We were so poor, my dog only had one rabie.
I just like tweeting stupid stuff like that.
Sometimes I do that.
I dont get to workshop much of my Twitter feed.
I give you my jokes but I never directly insult these people.
They paid as much money.
I just like to have fun with them and with whats going on.
@RealDonaldTrumpShut up about Bron.
That’s my son.
Oh my gosh, he is so funny.
Then friends likeKathleen Madigan.
Shes one of the best.
Who else is out there?
There are so many people that are so good but I cant even recall the names at the moment.
But all of my Twitter feed is good.
Comedians, we are the social workers.
We know everything thats happening in the country.
We really should choose the president because we really know whats going on.
We attack every subject.
They should put us all in office all the comedians.
Everybody would be laughing and having fun and well double-check everyones feeling all right.
Your comedy career has spanned over 40 years, so youve witnessed many trends and tropes come and go.
Has the internet changed how youve approached joke writing in any way?I guess I changed.
Back in the day, I started out with Its a crazy world!
that was the theme Id base my material around.
Then that changed to The whole world is sick!
Then I went to Everything is a lie!
It does not matter.
Everything is a lie even my parents, and Im not talking about Santa Claus.
Im talking abouteverythingis a lie.
And the internet has only made it worse.
They got an app that sends you a mattress that comes in a little box.
Well, you venture to put that shit back in that little box.
Everything is a lie.
Mike Lindell was on drugs so badly that he missed eight days of sleeping.
He doesnt qualify to know what a decent pillow is.
Everything is a lie.
Donald Trump is a lie.
Life is a lie.
It doesnt matter what you do, its all a lie!
I sound like Im old now, I know.
But dont tell me about Michael Jacksons kids, okay?
Look at those kids and look at Michael.
Those are not Michael Jacksons kids, okay?
Paris Jackson, the one with the blonde hair.
Youre known for your big and cheerful personality.
Twitter can be a dark and depressing place.
Always have a few words about any and every subject.
But at the end, double-check theres a laugh.
Whats been your secret to longevity in the ever-evolving world of comedy?Reading the newspaper.
Ive had this thing going for 42 years now.
Jerry Seinfeld not sure if youve heard of him I was his roommate for 13 years.
I was the best man at his wedding.
Im also the father of his kids.
But we have a certain work ethic.
We just love to work.
We love writing new jokes.
We just love going out performing.
Personal appearances are what we love to do.
Now this idiot Seinfeld is taking my words and using them.
Im gonna kick his ass.
Whats next for George Wallace offline?Im a headliner at the Westgate Hotel in Las Vegas.
People can still watch me on good ol TV where I host the new seasons ofComing to the Stage.
Oh yeah, and I paid for everybodys parking at the Westgate Hotel.
All the hotels in Las Vegas all charge you all crazy for parking.
But I will pay for your parking when you come to see the George WallaceI Be Thinkinshow.
Thank you for taking the time to speak with me, Mr. Wallace.By the way, its Dr. Wallace.
Lets get that straight.
My apologies, Dr. Wallace.
Youre absolutely right.Dont you feel better since you talked to me?
This made my day.
I cant thank you enough.Do me a favor.
Look up my book,Laff It Off!Read my book.
It teaches you how to live and enjoy life, and maybe even Twitter, more abundantly.
I promise.If you dont … Ill kick your ass.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
