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I hate this toxic rot and junkie-like behavior.

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Yet I love art and the art world.

That may sound like a contradiction or paradox, but it feels to me like something else.

Its not just me.

Everyone complains about money in the art world, but few would ever leave.

Everyone from struggling artists to billionaire gallerists hates the system.

But none of us can live outside it, nor would we want to.

I mean, why would we?

For many of us the question is,howcould we?

Art and money have always slept together; theyre just doing it more profligately now than ever.

I left the premiere feeling sick to my stomach and ashamed.

Oh, and also: I appear in this documentary.

More on that later.

Collectors with cookie-cutter collections grouse that no one else is a connoisseur anymore.

Soon, I have $1 million on my right.

He gives fair warning, hesitates, counts to three, cracks the hammer down and shouts, Sold!

The crowd erupts in applause; your skin crawls.

Mine did, at least.

The thing is, much of the work on these trading floorsisgreat.

Most of it, however, is either middling, iffy, or bad.

Then she tells us her friends versions are different colors.

This is amazing access.

I love these scenes.

Were not dealing with unknowns here, however.

Each of the artists Kahn pictures are either now or once were famous.

As they work, he queries them about money.

MacArthur winner Njideka Akunyili Crosby talks about urgency.

In contrast, the artists he interviewstalk about art as being the only defense they have against fate.

These artists gave me faith.

Except maybe for Jeff Koons.

This stops even the squirrelly Koons, who looks hurt, winces, and says hes humbled.

Then he plaintively adds, All I have are my interests.

For this one second, even an artist as annoying as Koons is deeply human, vulnerable, desperate.

Success can be disorienting for individuals, and to whole communities.

A few, ahem, with no training whatsoever called themselves art critics and began writing art criticism.

It makes me proud, even.

But we seem to be in some end-game phase that is more than disorienting to many in this world.

Some of thesame peopleare in it, including, of course, Koons.

Its like theres software specifically for making such films.

Which brings us to me.

Ive known her from afar for over 20 years.

I was still driving a truck then, just starting to write.

She offered money; someone said her husband was the former Reagan budget director David Stockman.

I took the money.

In 2015, Stockman emailed me about being in a film about the art world she was co-producing.

But Stockman followed up.

The one we love, Jerry.

Equipment got set up; lights went on; I sat down.

Facing me was Kahn with a clipboard.

He started asking questions.

He did this for hours.

I appear in the film three or four times.

During Kahns questions I noted themes.

First, his many queries about what art means.

He seemed to make the same mistake as lay audiences do, imagining were supposed to understand art.

We dive into them.

Instead, I said, we understand movies, TV, and sports.

We understand the Kardashians.

Maybe I was exasperated, defensive, or afraid.

Most dealers have no money.

Only about 1 percent of 1 percent ofallartists make any money.

I told him hes really asking about a teeny sliver of the art world.

Thankfully, this was cut.

Still, he persisted.

I stopped him in the middle of another question, looked at him and said, Youre a cynic!

You hate the art world!

There was silence in the room.

From the crew, from him, from me.

I saw Stockman behind him staring at me, amazed.

Kahn and I looked at each other for a while, blinking.

He seemed to catch his breath and finally say, Yes, I am cynical.

Then I went a step further.

The art world is a stand-in for what tragically and unjustly happened to him.

After a moment he admitted he was crying.

I told him I knew this, thatmaybe its always been that way.

I said that the film sounded like it was to be his revenge for his father.

After seeing it, I still believe this.

There I met Edlis for the first time.

Minter and Stockman were present, too.

Seeing as this was Aspen, it was a collector-heavy dinner.

The evening was typical conversation about shows, museums, gossip, the news, and whatnot.

From down the table, I heard Edlis animatedly carrying-on about how Trump could be good for America.

In my dumb pre-election art-world bubble, this was impossible.

Across from Edlis was none other than David Stockman, who Ive met and chided over the years.

I barked, Youre just a seeker trying to make up for the damage you did with Reaganomics.

This had no effect on him.

I said hed better tell his daughter how he was voting, first.

This seemed to stop him, but only momentarily.

Down the table, meanwhile, it got worse.

The three artists present, two gallerists and I were astonished and began arguing with this group.

I think dealer Jeannie Greenberg Rohatyn actually got up on a table and yelled at them.

It was exactly like when right-wingers tell liberal musicians to shut up and sing.

Art dealer Michelle Maccarone and artist Carol Bove got up and walked out.

I never said anything to Edlis.

They only smiled more thinking, probably,how cute.

Minter and I soon left, too.

And voted for Trump.

That paradox is part of the reason I said nothing to the 91-year-old Edlis.

As I walked home, I thought, Who am I to judge him?

The film sheds light on this, too.

As a boy, Edlis looked into the eyes of Hitler, heard him speak in Germany.

He and his family barely escaped the Holocaust.

In the film we see his old passport, emblazoned with a large red J forJuden.

These are the ever-present incongruities in todays art world.

In one of the most moving scenes in the film, Edlis shows us a sculpture by Maurizio Cattelan.

The work is not front and center in the grand room.

It is displayed facing a wall between two large bookcases hidden, lurking, insidious, uncanny, frightening.

Watch and listen to Edlis in the scenes with this sculpture.

Hecannotor will not say the name Hitler.

He refers toHimonly as him.

The work and Edlis are melding, redoubling, delivering, and redeeming one another.

He never looks directly atHim,either, only gesturing with his head or a nod or his hand.

We feel something that he feels while looking at the sculpture.

In this way,Pricegives us a glimpse into the metaphysical transformations that art creates.

Soon in the movie,Edlis says he hopes that he might do something meaningful in his life.

Not just the junk.

Welcome to the art world of 2018.

The movieis amazingly well made.