House of Cards
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Claire Underwood goes FULL Amazing Amy Dunne in this episode.
She is making crazy eyes and streaking her cheeks with mascara-tearslike Taylor Swift in the Blank Spacevideo.
I mean… duh, she has a plan.
Claire always has a plan.
HE IS TOO MANLY FOR POWDER.
He is … incorrect.
Because under the harsh lights, everyone can see him sweat.
Can we like adapt our slang accordingly?)
So Claire ismaking like Melaniaand just ghosting from her job for almost a month.
She hasnt left the residence.
The biggest tell that all is not right here is that she isbarefoot.
Claire Underwood wears high heels even when shes alone in her house!
(Okay, but …is it?)
Who is in this cabin drinking Hennessy?
Why, its Dougs shrink!
And who is just sitting there waiting for him in the dark like the tortured cliche he is inside?
Doug Stamper, thats who.
Because, of course he is.
Because Dougknowsthis therapist has seen the will in which Frank left everything to his once and future henchmen.
(It was that letter opener from his desk, as far as we know.)
Why are wills in fictional universes so confusing?
Jane is slinking around in this metallic off-shoulder gown withAlexandria Ocasio-Cortez red lipsto match her impeccable footwear.
Then Jane shatters a White House plate, for symbolism.
Mark implores Claire to resign.
I feel like she is just really screwing things up for any future female presidents!
Claire tells us, her only confidants, that Mark cant help being decent.
Doug meets Claire in Franks old room at the residence, where he doesnt want to be.
Whoever killed him will get whatsheor he deserves, Doug says, since this is an episode about feminism.
No new ground is covered, plus its boring so, dont worry about it.
Can we talk about Duncans hair for a second?
It is too much.
It has Chalamet aspirations I dont think it can ever reach.
This scene fails my Bechdel-Frank test over and over again.
Claire asks him, Does your mother know youre here?
Or just some random persons?
Hope Gardner Analytics wants to invest in Ancestry.com.
Even Seth is smarter than Duncan!
I cant stand the sound of male arguing anymore, Annette says.
and blackmails her into lying to the FBI, all so Toms death can be pinned on the Russians.
You and I, as women, wehaveto fight back.
She says Mark is welcome to resign as well.
Anyway, Cathy made this vlog about how history deserves to punish Claire.
Cathys husband has disappeared, and Claire doesnt know who else, if anyone, has seen the video.
