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So instead of confirming my isolation, its like, whats that thing?
Gadsby muses over tea in New York.A coming-out party?It wasnt supposed to happen.
I didnt dress up!
But soon, Gadsby peels the skin back on those kinds of jokes, revealing their gory interior.
At times, she abandons jokes, then unleashes fury.
The only people I dont reach on a very personal level are straight white men, Gadsby says.
They dont really need another entertainer dedicated for them exclusively, so theyre fine.
It must be disorienting.
First it was in the writing process.
I was trying to work out ultimately whether some of my stories could be told onstage and made funny.
I think we found out: It breaks comedy.
Blokes always get stand-up.
I make it about deconstructing comedy and quitting it, so it cant be a monologue.
Im talking about comedy.
And Ive got a stool with water on it.
Its like throwing a grenade, so it became that.
Whenever I really sold it, it went better than if it was just a throwaway line.
So I completely sold it, and I sold it to myself.
Over the course of my first three weeks of performing it, I really liked the idea of quitting.
It felt really freeing.
I honestly didnt think this show would do so well.
I take much better care of the audience these days.
Which really helped reform the show until it was airtight.
The quitting itself went from subversion to tongue-in-cheek to really meaning it to …
I cant mean it.
Whereas here, it seems like no one knows or gives a shit.
So it was more of a playful attitude in it.
But whats hardest for me is not breaking the tension.
That was one of the harder things for me to do, as a performer.
The stories youre telling are about homophobia, assault, and other traumatic experiences.
Its like an extreme form of CBT, or neurobiological rewiring, or something like that.
Its never easy to perform.
It has not gotten easier on the stage.
Ive really upset audiences, and I can feel that.
That affects me in turn.
I believe thats just called empathy.
But it has, over the course, gotten easier for me to leave it there.
In the first 12 months, I was going home and, you know, rocking myself to sleep.
I felt very vulnerable, I felt very unsafe.
It felt like a risk every time I stood onstage.
That part has gotten easier, and that comes from, just basically, audiences caring.
Its made me realize just how isolated I felt.
How did you arrive at that idea?The end of the show has evolved constantly.
The Netflix special is different to the one that I have here.
I just want you to be individuals with minds of your own.
My peers are quite lewd.
Comedians Ive loved and respect and whatnot, do sexual assault [material] too.
And … just here, what is this laugh?
And Im just like I just dont think [the people in the audience] know that theyre laughing.
I just dont think theyre thinking.
Because the comedians are delivering lines shaped liked jokes?Its got the right rhythm.
Also, laughters infectious.
I myself have been there in the audience.
At one of Jim Jefferiess shows at the Edinburgh Fringe.
Hes just hating lesbians just really, really hating.
Im sitting there, I just felt so unsafe.
But I found myself laughing because I was scared.
So I wanted to re-create that for straight white men in the crowds.
Its fine, its fun.
I do exactly the same to men, and its not.
Thats less to do with the men, but also the cultural practice.
Theyre not used to it.
Thats the way comedy is.
Comedy is a mans art form.
Stand-up comedys come out of that era.
Its born from stand-ups doing jokes between burlesque shows.
Then roasts, you know, which are basically misogyny and homophobia all wrapped up in yo mama jokes.
A joke is a wank.
Set-up … [does a jerk-off motion] punch line.
Then youve got what Im trying, storytelling.
That has a place I dont think it should stop happening but for me, I dont know.
Self-deprecation runs right through queer culture.
It was seen as a badge of honor.
Its that double life, that fear of being found out.
I dont think its easy.
I dont think just saying youre proud undoes the shame.
Its a really complicated and destructive thing that a lot of gay people still are undoing.
Youll have a few performance dates afterNanettecomes out on Netflix.
What will come after that?Ive only got a few more shows after Netflix comes out.
Im looking forward to not doing anything more.
It feels good to have it sealed off in a, you know, a time capsule.
Because it is a constantly evolving show.
Its taken its toll.
I dont recognize my life anymore in both good and bad ways.
Im a different person.
I feel differently in the world.
I mean that both from a career, and also in my psychological, um, journey.
Not so much in the future.
I felt like hatred was coming at me in a way that I hadnt felt in about ten years.
I felt that, as just a little guy.
Thats what I was responding to.
That sudden feeling of I dont feel so safe when Donald Trump was elected.
I thought, Im gonna have to learn how to shoot a gun for the apocalypse.
Are you nervous about the show going online?
Anger and hatred are gonna come my way.
I know what the show is.
Its bigger than me.
Its taken on a life of its own.
But it feels like it arrives at a synthesis of some sort at the end.
Does it feel like you found a new path?Im also writing a bookat the moment.
I think this is as much about me drawing a line under quite a traumatic start to life.
I feel like thats it on a personal level.
Im not sure what it means, career-wise, but the shadow of my childhood is really long.
I think what this show has done has meant Ive reached thelimit of it.
Thats both frightening and wonderful.
I dont feel the weight of that.
I feel sadness and grief, but it doesnt define me.
