Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
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Are you ready for Sabrina to fulfill the Dark Lords prophecy?
Is her path to this place going to hold up to super-close inspection?
Witch Wardwell, we learn at the finales end, is actually Satans concubine a.k.a.
Lilith, Adams first wife, who calls herself Madam Satan.
She is very excited about her status as the future queen of hell.
She also peels off her face (!!!)
Ros and Suzie sloooowly figure out that Sabrina is a witch.
To this I say: Her last name is, literally, Spellman.
How did it take them this long to put this together?
I appreciate that theyre all so accepting of Sabrina when she reveals her true identity to them.
Tough break, mortals!
In Sabrinas defense, all your story lines were kind of boring.
Wardwells magic trick: Raise the Greendale 13.
More on those witch-ghosts real soon.
Back at the Academy, all the witches are gossiping about Sabrinas failed resurrection.
Isnt that how the mortals do it?
I worship at the altar of sultry, sassy Prudence.
Witches have passion and lust on lock but mortals are the ones who really get true love.
Id trade all the witch orgies in the world for what you and the mortal have.
Um, HELLO ROMANCE.
Basically, its the Purge.
But for undead witches.
(Honestly being an oldest child is so overrated.)
Id say gulp but its probably impossible to do that with a ghost-witchs hands wrapped around your throat.
I wish everyone took birthday promises as seriously as Harvey Kinkle.
But every time I look at you, all I can think about is my brother.
Thats really a deal breaker no matter what the context, Id say.
The coven could have helped, but they chose to be silent bystanders.
They just need to get the humans all in one place.
See, its not (just) Jews who control the weather!
Climate change is all witchcraft, though.
He is also a little miffed at the idea that witches are going to protect him fromotherwitches.
All witches are alike to him.
Which is kind of … witch-racist?
But hes still new to the whole magic scene.
He doesnotwant to be a coward.
So Sabrina sends Nick to protect him.
Blackwood pulls Aunt Zelda to the Academy because his wife has gone into early labor.
Luke brings back Ambrose because I love you!
which is very thrilling but now isreallynot a good time, Luke!
And Sabrina peels off with Witch Wardwell, who insists that the time for defense is over.
Witch Wardwell leads Sabrina into the woods.
Sabrina will need power to defeat the Red Angel of Death can you hear the galloping?
and the only way to getthatkind of power is to sign the book.
Sabrina balks at this.
She already said no!
What a time to be sending wildly conflicting messages about consent and agency!
Witch Wardwell spins this as a feminist thing: All women are taught to fear power.Ownyour power.
Uhh by giving away her freedom and agency?
and that she MUST answer whenever he calls.
Then he slices open her palm with his claw and BOOM.
She already knows where to go: the hanging tree.
This is the part that feels a little off to me.
Sure, she gets power from signing the book.
If all it takes is natural ability, why does she even have to attend the Academy?
She has zero training.
When did she learn to do any of this?
I want Sabrina to be exceptional; obviously the whole point of the show is that shes extraordinary.
Is it just about her lineage?
Is she right that her duality makes her stronger?
Most importantly: How do we feel about her bleached blonde hair?
So, logic be damned: Sabrina saves the world.
Or maybe just because she wanted another kid, a do-over full-witch baby?
Prudence is demoted, as Blackwood says this child is his one true heir.
Sabrina flies into Harveys bedroom, I assume mostly to show off her cool new look.
I love you too much to risk anything bad happening to you.
One last kiss and then poof!
She is out of there.
Really taking ghosting to the next level.
As Ive been saying this entire season, enough with the mortals!
Cant believe the season is ending just when were getting to the really good stuff!
We will have to hold out for season two and make do withRiverdaleand Kiernan Shipkas Instagram until then.
Ongoing mysteries:Whats going to happen with Dorothea and Suzie?
How long before Nick and Sabrina get together?
What about that baby girl?
Who do we think really killed Sabrinas parents (because theres no way that was an accident)?
And where can I find the Weird Sisters lipstick?
