Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
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Finally, Sabrina is going to the Academy.
Who can stay invested in these low-stakes mortal scuffles when there is a whole witching world to discover?
Sabrina is heading off for her induction, a three-day stint at the school to get her started.
Shes only got one guy on her mind: the Dark Lord.
Her studies will teach her to conjure him, bind him, and banish him.
Does Sabrina really think she wont need cute magic boys to assist her on this mission?
As Sabrina leaves, I think for a minute about the lives of the aunts.
Do they have any friends besides each other?
Have they ever been in love?
They make witch life look awfully lonely, especially without Sabrina around to focus on.
He escorts her inside this very lush-looking school, which consists of perfectly proportioned pentagons.
No one knows how many there are.
Nothing to worry about, Im sure!
Did we know she could sing?
Why did Matthew Weiner make Sally Draper a ballerina when these pipes were just sitting there unused?
He gavealmosteverybodyelse amusical number!
We knew this was coming.
Enter: Nicholas Scratch.
(Handsomeandsmart, I MEAN.)
At least in the witching world, its men who get slut-shamed!
This is where your standard-issue mean-girl aggression ends and your straight-up psychotic witchcraft hazing begins.
Blackwood gives Sabrina this mystical Rubiks Cube to solve; if she cracks it, she can take conjuring.
Nickalsotells Sabrina that he was involved with ALL THREE Weird Sisters which, whoa.
As some Baxter High boys learned firsthand, Their gifts include mind control, Nick says.
I wasnt sure what was real and what was a suggestion.
He makes it back, but only barely.
Also: he was arrested for attempting to blow up the Vatican?!
Sabrinas harrowing continues, sans Salems protection.
(I will say this about the Weird Sisters: They really know their history!
I like that their Harrowing pays tribute to witches whove gone before them.)
Soon he is surrounded by a fleet of other ghost children!
Kids are being HARROWED TO DEATH.
Aunts Hilda and Zelda come back to ream Blackwood out for this offense.
He insists that harrowing is a tradition and a good harrowing forges the weak.
Here we learn another layer of this upsetting and wrenching relationship: Zelda harrowed Hilda.
Hilda rounds up the ghost children and gives them the one thing all well-behaved children need: Permission.
As the kids say: Sabrina came to slay.
Prudence gets a talking-to from Father Blackwood, who cannot believe this untrained half-witch humiliated his star pupils.
The only thing missing was amwahahahaha.
HOT AND SMART AND THOUGHTFUL, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN WE HAVE A HAT TRICK.
Speaking of demons: Suzies uncle also saw the Dark Lord in the mines.
Harvey narrowly escapes death.
Can you see her getting closer and closer to Nick by the second?!
Ongoing mysteries:Whats Father Blackwoods endgame?
What exactly do we think went on with him and Zelda back in the day?
What does being a witch midwife entail?
I have a feeling its not your standard-issue mortal doula situation.
Can anyone tell me which lipsticks everyone is wearing on this show?
