Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
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Like Jews on Christmas, witches spend mortal Thanksgiving going to the movies and eating Chinese food.
I find this detail so charming.
Harvey has to hunt deer, as Kinkles do.
The youngest, strongest witchslit her own throatso that her coven could eat her body through the spring.
A sort of DIY Donner Party situation.
Fun for the whole family!
Zelda will be putting herself forward, as Hilda, an excommunicate, is disqualified.
(Thats right: When Edward was High Priest, he did away with this nonsense.
Father Blackwood got a DM from the Dark Lord and started them up again.)
Sabrina gets handmaiden, so, shes Prudences bitch for the next three days.
But aside from Harvey, does Sabrina believe in anything?
Are there really no other options?).
Yes, Nick is there.
Of course Nick is there!
No plebe can deny a queen on the day leading up to her sacrifice.
Nick, ever the inclusive guest, is all, Join us, Sabrina!
Teenagers, am I right?
Sabrina tells everyone Prudence is her cousin.
All Sabrinas mortal friends are learning about their family histories.
Prudence confirms that Suzie is descended from a true ally to witches.
Wardwell takes the girls to the Greendale Woods to meet someone who supposedly spurned queenship.
(Okay, so its Queenship!)
The Weird Sisters are along for this adventure.
Everyones wardrobe situation is A++.
Where can I get this Merlot bomber jacket Prudence is wearing?
The witch in the woods is a little basic Halloween for my taste, I must say.
How is your faith in the mortal boy any different from my faith in the Dark Lord?
Im gonna go with … not great.
Men in this world, get it together!
Zelda says that dangerous spellcasting can upset a pregnancy.
Constance starts babbling about how she HAD to do it.
Theyre always whispering, plotting … thosesluts… planning to take what belongs to my children.
So Constance thinks Blackwood has other children and that one of those children is Prudence!
Constance wants her out of the way.
The only solution is a homicide, carefully disguised as a ritual sacrifice.
Sabrina takes this information and just word-vomits it at Prudence.
This seems to be a theme with Sabrina.
she acts like she thinks shes an expert.
Its all very teenage but also not smart, Sabrina!
This is my moms secret recipe when she thought my dad was having an affair.
Let us all that a moment for the sartorial prowess of Prudence!
The Weird Sisters are in their finest early-Lorde cosplay.
Sabrina is still wearing her headband.
All the dirt comes out: Yes, Constance cursed the lottery.
Yes, Prudence is Blackwoods daughter.
WOW what a dirtbag.)
Oh, and Prudence still wants to sit on the throne of skulls.
I wouldnt want to waste that outfit, either.
Just as Blackwood is about to make good on his promise, this other witch leaps up and SLITS.
Everyone pauses for a second and then just goes Frea lives!
Praise Satan and they EAT HER.
Nobody even cooks her!
Father Blackwood jumps in.
The Weird Sisters do, too.
I am right there with her.
At least Aunt Z didnt participate.
Even if it was the Dark Lords will, It wouldnt have mattered.
Ongoing mysteries:Wait, are all witches cannibals?
They eat mortalsandother witches?
Will the Kinkle boys survive the Weird Sisters attack?
What will Ross cunning help her see as her regular vision disappears?
