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Sitting in the theater watchingMamma Mia!
But its only at the climax of the movie when its true promise is fulfilled: Cher arrives.
And in that transcendent moment, one of the core laws of the universe is forever cemented.
It becomes clear that every single movie no matter how flawless would be infinitely better if it included Cher.
She hasnt done many films a travesty, since her track record is spotless.
In less adept hands,Moonstruckis an anxious family drama.
But with Cher as our guide, we barely remember that a hefty bank deposit almost went missing.
We just know that inside we are wolves and that Cher looks gorgeous while watching the opera.
How that did not become the entire focus of the film is beyond us.
InThe Witches of Eastwick,Jack Nicholsons character smells.
Thats a fact; Cher says it out loud at one point.
Theres no excuse for someone that rich to smell, even if he is the Devil.
If it werent for Cher he wouldnt know.
Thank you, Cher.
And Chers glory isnt bound to live action.
But as weve very clearly demonstrated, any and all art is only improved upon by Chers presence.
Now imagine if Cher was there to haul off and slap anyone who got too crazy.
Perhaps this is too powerful a plot machine, one that would negate all futurePurgemovies.
Sorry, its not our fault.
Thats just the power of Cher.
This movie left us not just saying Hail, Paimon but More Paimon!
Watch out, Scientology!
3.Oceans 8:A perfect cast?
It should have been played by Cher.
She is the only human who could have done it.
4.Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom:If theJurassicfranchise has taught us anything, its that raptors are really smart.
But lets see how true that is when Cher shows up.
If they want Jurassic Park to be THE vacation destination, they had better choose the latter.
Its up to the raptors to pull this off.
Otherwise, were taking our money to Lohan Beach House.
5.Deadpool 2:Were not going to pretend we know whatDeadpool 2is about.
That would be inauthentic.
The pool is dead no longer.
End of Deadpool franchise.
6.Wont You Be My Neighbor:We know this is a heartwarming documentary about Mr. Rogers.
But lets imagine ifCherwere your neighbor.
Were sure the movie can spare ten minutes to get a peek at that!
7.Avengers: Infinity War:The role that Cher was BORN to play is that of Infinity.
Research shows that Cher has never been limited by anything, including but not limited to time itself.
This movie writes itself.
There are explosions in the trailer and everyone is yelling at each other.
Maybe she can sing the title over and over again to us.
9.Skyscraper:The Rock has to rescue his family from a burning skyscraper they just moved into.
But who was their real-estate agent?
You guessed it: Cher.
Cher would make a fabulous real-estate agent.
Imagine Cher demonstrating the tweaks on a dimmer.
Throw in a scene or two of her talking about granite countertops, and youve got a thriller!
10.Slenderman:More like SlenderCher!
She looks great and always has!
Lets celebrate that, and not some woods-dwelling rando whose whole thing is that hes shy.
This masterpiece certainly wasnt ahead of its time, but actually right on time.
It also answered the important question, What wouldCabaretbe like if it were really, really different?
