Ben Sinclair Is Finding His Way

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His nails are painted white.

The color of his scarf is faded rose.

As I put down my bag, he excitedly announces, They have oat milk here!

while sipping on an oat-milk latte.

I also like hemp milk.

Hemp milk is stone butch, or maybe soft butch.

Sinclair and Blichfeld wrote the episode while they were still together.

It was subconscious, prescient, Sinclair says, adding, I think we both knew.

Not as much as I hoped.

Writers are in the Hollywood bubble, too.

We venture to get veterans and nonveterans.

That was first and foremost.

At the end of the day, I want to be around people who light me up.

The arc is in the Guys experience.

Its really only visible in episodes 1, 5, 6, and 10.

We tried to localize it so that wed still have modular feeling for the rest of the episodes.

Some of the consensus was that this isnt a show about the Guy, its about the other people.

But I like how it turned out.

But as a creator and I think for Katja as well the evolution is exciting.

I think were doing the right thing.

I can cop to being a second-guesser.

Let me get back to you.

I dont always have to answer right away.

Critics seem to like season two more than the first season on HBO.

How does that fit in with your personal upheaval, and what do you make of that?

I had complete control during the web series days.

I learned how to do the one-man band Katja was there too, of course.

I used to cook everyone breakfast when they came to set on the web series.

Hes on the move.

It was really different.

There was a real learning curve.

But, also, Katja and I really werent getting along, increasingly.

The pressure was increasing, and I was getting recognized when we were walking around Brooklyn.

We began to feel like we had something to prove.

And in our relationship, there was no separateness.

I used to joke that if we were a Venn diagram, it would just be one single circle.

And that is really unhealthy.

It seems difficult to maintain.Its not only difficult to maintain, its uncomfortable.

Its really important to have space and separation.So important.

For instance, I just went scuba diving.

She just didnt want to to put her head underwater.

It was uncomfortable for her.

It never occurred to me that I could just go scuba diving by myself.

We were together a total of eight years and I stopped scuba diving.

I shouldve just gone scuba diving.

Thats a good metaphor.Yeah.

I couldve just done that, gone deep.

None of that was ever discussed.

Then she ended up canceling her trip to Berlin and I still went to California.

I think she enjoyed that I wasnt around.

That felt like a twist.

And in a way, that felt cathartic.

But nothing is slower than a fizzling-out relationship.

It was building over a couple of years.

Before that, it was like, We could work through all this stuff.

Id be like, Look at Katja, shes also a creator too.

I was nervous, because I didnt want her to feel bad.

And I also didnt want me to feel bad, hearing her feel bad.

And that made the expectation of getting noticed and positive attention not feel good to me.

Which brought up a lot of complicated feelings because this is something I have wanted a lot.

Itmade me felt like I couldnt enjoy the success that I had worked for.

And sometimes I resented that.

It was a very double-edged-sword situation.

I had everything I wanted, but I was struggling to enjoy that because it felt painful.

Because I had something so many people wanted, and yet I couldnt find any happiness.

I think thats an experience a lot of people have with fame.

Its so often not what you hope it will be.Well, what did Oscar Wilde say?

But the lucky thing is that the rise of the show has been gradual.

Also, Ive had really great support.

I really, really value that.

And thats why Im pretty excited to do this again.

Not just for me, but for this whole family weve created.

Hes selling pot, but hes not part of the new pot.Hes nostalgic.

When his ex-wife goes into his apartment, its nostalgic.

Its got like afghans and a Nintendo system and a vinyl record player.

His interest is in people.

His interest extends beyond getting stoned.

I think this is a step of his life.

What inspired that break for you?I do it every January.

I know that for the past ten years, Ive smoked too much.

I know that Ive used it as a way to hide from discomfort.

I also have kind of a good-boy complex.

Im the youngest of four.

So there were other peoples kids in our home all the time.

And my dad was a teacher, so he had a whole class of other kids.

So, I was a troublemaker.

Whatever attention I could get, positive or negative, was what I wanted.

When I smoke a lot of pot, Im wondering if this is a bad thing that I do.

It seems like Im shucking some responsibility.

Then there will be times in my life when Im like, Dude, youre doing okay.

This year I feel less addicted.

But I have no problem whatsoever with not smoking.

Its one of the reasons I like pot, because it lets you let go of it.

Theres not an intense withdrawal.

There is a withdrawal, though.

The dreams are probably the most uncomfortable.

And especially for her.

The pieces that are written about her inVogueand inthe Cutdescribe a very uncomfortable person holding onto her own shame.

I was very scared.

She couldnt describe really what was wrong with her, and I remember being very concerned for my friend.

Im so glad for her I really mean it.

It brings me so much joy to see her so alive right now.

All I ever wanted for her was to help her.

And it freed me up to pay attention to helping myself with what I needed.

Im on my third therapist in five years.

The first two were men, who I found ways to disqualify as being helpful to me.

The therapist still gets paid and their schedule is filled.

So its been awesome to put on my own oxygen mask for once.

This is a very strange situation.

And were going to be super open about it.

Some writers took us up on that more than others.

Its cool to have an opportunity to creatively express all the crazy shit youre going through.Its very luxurious.

It felt like group therapy sometimes.

Sometimes it was just too much.

Sometimes I was like, What did we do?

This is a lot of weight.

Do you feel at all conflicted about doing another season?Not all.

I think it would be awesome.

I really think thatHigh Maintenanceis still jammin.

But I also want to put my eggs in another basket.

What would your dream next year consist of?I have other things I want to do.

Katja has other things she wants to do.

Ive been writing a lot lately.

I like using my brain and my observational skills.

Id like to direct other peoples writing.

I think it would be fun to work as an actor with a director who I trust in completely.

I work best when Im taking a walk or taking a shower.

Or just being out in the city that were writing about rather than sitting in a traditional office building.

I felt a lot of shame.

And I think I knew for a while that things werent going well romantically and that felt shameful.

Shame is not useful.

I really was afraid to tell my family about the divorce.

My parents got together when they were 12 and have been together since they were 12.

Im the only person in my family whos dated post-college.

And I was really ashamed to tell them about it.

It didnt feel comfortable.

But youre doing some things right.Somethings happening.

So what do you do to decompress and rebootcreatively?I go on trips.

I go to this party called The Get Down.

I go on dates.

Im pretty good at keeping in touch.

Im a very social person.

I venture to read a mixture of introspective, self-help-y books.

In 2017, I did quite a bit of ayahuasca.

But I was mostly doing it because I thought I wanted to do an episode of it.

So I didnt end up having any profound experiences because I was trying to watch everything and everyone.

It was not a pure motivation.

It stopped me from going into the place that people can get to.

The show makes me want to suck up everything, soak up all of the details.

This is passe at this point.

It does feel very 2016.Yeah which is when I started with it.

Whats the new thing?People are doing toad venom now.

In the drug world its called kombo.

Maybe oat milk is the new ayahuasca.

The impatience with process.

The folly is thinking you’re free to change overnight.

This interview has been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.