Below Deck
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Grab a Core water bottle filled with vodka and lets continue the honeymoon of our nightmares.
Are you ready for Chandlers disorganized jelly?
Im still Team Rhylee as are Ashton, Caroline, Ross sort of and Captain Lee.
But mostly, Lee is Team Ross.
Theyd sing songs to one another like Moana and The Rock.
Its the last night of this charter and theyre throwing a luau on the beach.
This, apparently, is like a beach picnic on crack.
As Adrian pipes pastry, Kate tells him Josiah is her favorite stew of all time.
After packing commences for the beach dinner, Chandler goes to take a nap.
Kate thinks Caroline is actually upset that Chandler didnt seize trash fetching as an opportunity to flirt with Caroline.
Kates obsessed with Caroline being obsessed with Chandler.
But actually, Kate and Josiah are the ones who are truly obsessed with Chandler.
And Ross, sort of.
Hell, after talking about it so much now Im obsessed with Chandler!
Then Caroline runs to Chandler to blather about how she was confused about what our joint role was.
Adrian can feed it foamed formula.
I shouldnt have said anything, he says.
Rhylee is like, What the fuck have I done?
Like telling your friend you love her new Goldendoodle so much youre going to take him home with you.
Even if Adrian is a human Goldendoodle, maybe theres a way to compliment him without non-sexually objectifying him?
Although, Im not sure theres anything to do but nervously laugh when someone compares Captain Lee to Beyonce.
Back on the boat, Caroline collects herself over a cigarette.
Chandler takes a break from playing with tarps to chat with her.
Caroline doesnt say shes into Chandler, just that shed swipe right on him on Tinder.
Then she tells him that she enjoys his company but finds him guarded.
After the luau, Chandler tells Ashton and Ross to knock off before clean-up is done.
Im tired, he says.
Junior crew gets the shit jobs.
Kate says they want to be friends with her, too.
Which is true, if by friends she means willing object of our derision.
And Lee is not one to lavish praise so you know he must mean it.
At the tip meeting, Lee tells them theyve each earned $1820 in tip money.
Everyone is thrilled except Adrian, because, Money doesnt have that much value in my eyes.
Lee calls Chandler to the wheelhouse to talk about the deck crews problems.
Chandler starts blathering and Lee asks him to be specific.
Which leads to him to bash Rhylee, who Lee thinks is working hard.
Have a team meeting before each charter, he says.
People work best on a schedule, he says.
Chandler, who is 28, is like, OH RLY?
Then all of a sudden Rhylee is resting on Ashtons chest in his bed.
Did I miss something?
At dinner, they all order espresso martinis, except for Caroline, whos not drinking tonight.
Im on the same page.
She says she cant believe her roommate would secretly have the hots for her arch nemesis.
Hearing them mean-girl me behind my back is upsetting, she says.
I dont know why they think they can treat me this way.
Its become a really fucked up pattern.
It is mean when shes not in on the joke.
Next week its the requisite episode with dun dun dun Instagrammers.
