Bachelor in Paradise
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I certainly didnt imagine that Id be fighting back tears watching Jordan propose to Jenna.
Lets get into it.
Shes looking forward to her storybook ending and we all know thats not happening.
I dont know if Kamil has ever smiled at her.
Its time for them to casually saunter into the hallowed proposal ground.
Anneliese delivers a passionate speech about how safe she feels and how much she trusts him.
Have you ever watched a woman rationalize some fuckboy bullshit in real time?
That I totally agree wasloaded.
She says the timeline for getting engaged should be in a couple weeks or a couple months.
Put a pin in that.
Up next is Jordan and Jenna.
Jordan has really grown into a real boy this season, hasnt he?
Hes ready to get engaged and married just once.
CAN I JUST SAY Ihatethis weird talking point: I only want to get married once.
You didnt figure it out.
There also arent sinful people who are super-pumped to get divorced and remarried.
I THOUGHT I WAS DYING.
I THREW UP IN THE WOODS BEHIND TZE HOUSE.
Anyway, Jenna is typically frazzled and pretty terrified of Jordan changing his mind.
Shes so freaked out she can barely speak when they finally walk on the proposal altar.
Theres one reading of this moment where shes so moved by their love that she cant find the words.
But for now, the jig isnt up and Jordan gets down on one knee and proposes to Jenna.
He picks her up and carries her into future embarrassment …
I mean the sunset.
Finally, its time for Krystal and Chris.
Of course, this bitch isnt wearing shoes.
After breakfast in bed and matching green juices, Krystal has a mini-breakdown.
Shes just so terrified and thats NOT MADE ANY BETTER by Chriss fake-out proposal.
Whose fucking idea was this?
I hated every second of this.
Theyre engaged and we all should be happy for them.
Its time for the reunion portion of the episode andwhat a waste.
Kenny King barely said anything and NO ONE commented on Wills shorts.
Plus, Leo was there.
We didnt even have to see him and his dumb-ass new beard.
Keep in mind, this wasnt live so …some things might be different now.
First up is Astrid and Kevin.
Astrid says that the thing that will give her closure would be if Kevin takes responsibility for his actions.
Thankfully, Kevin is back in therapy and prepared with some EMOTIONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!
Imagine lasers and sparkles flying out of the words EMOTIONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!
Thats what women want EMOTIONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!
He says that hes madly in love with her and they hold hands.
These two crazy kids might make it.
Its time for Kendall and Grocery Store Joe.
Guys, I forgot Kendall was 26 years old.
Its very easy to forget because she tries really hard to talk like a Smart Girl, butman.
Apparently, she flew to Chicago to tell this 32-year-old man that she made a mistake.
Up next, its time to watch the emotional rug get pulled out from under Anneliese.
How dareBachelor in Paradisedo this.
This is really low and cheap.
Either way,Bachelor in Paradiseis happy to have Annelieses heartbreak as part of their second hour.
Tia just looks at Anneliese and says, Yes, bitch.
Yes, without blinking and with an intensity usually reserved for Jack Nicholson in … anything.
Kamil doesnt understand why hes the bad guy here!
Anneliese bought flowers for his mom and all his plane tickets.
Why is he the bad guy??!?!?!
What is there to move on to?
Two very insignificant interviews with each couple.
I wish a grown man would know to act but theres only so much we can hope for!
And with that
See you in January for Colton as the Bachelor!
