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A funny thing happened betweenAvengers: Age of UltronandAvengers: Infinity War: Everyone grew a beard.
Or, at the veryleast, a mustache.
but its a welcome distraction from the real plots doom and gloom.
So Im proud to present this look atInfinity Wars facial hair, ranked from worst to best.
Star-LordTheGuardiansaesthetic is very 80s and usually deploys its throwbacks with finesse.
But Peter Quills razor-sharp, quasi-lightning-bolt sideburns dont impress me much.
Something about this feels cartoonish, not hot paste-on hair you could buy from a Queens Party City.
Would it be so bad if Peter Quill was the only clean-shaven Avenger?
Get us a clean-shaven Star-Lord, pronto!
ThorBlessed be the wig that ended up onRagnaroks cutting-room floor.
(Full disclosure: Iknow that wig, and hes a nice dude bougie salt spray and all.)
WeknowThor can pull off a close cut and tamed beard.
Hes not necessarily resting on his laurels why mess with a good thing?
but attention must be paid to the Avengers taking more risks.
(Was this a revolution I ever expected to be televised?
MBakuHow should I put this delicately?
This man could extremely 7/11 voice sweat out mblowoutas hes blowing out mback.
MBaku wears his stache slightly thinner than it was inBlack Panther.
(Hunter, you might protest, this has literally nothing to do with MBakus facial hair.
To which I reply: If you want serious comics writing, read literally anything else!)
FalconFalcons mustache, goatee, and sideburns were all comically slender in his previous Avengers outings.
Finally, he popped a biotin and let those hairs grow!
InInfinity War, he earns the status of Most Improved.
Hes leapfrogging beyond TChalla with this cut, even as the Wakanda king rocks basically the same situation.
Iron ManTheres something veryzaddyin the way Tony Starks facial hair is slowly and subtly going gray.
I wish his hairline would follow suit.Thats all.
Dr. StrangeAll two hours and forty minutes ofInfinity Warsuggested that maybe Dr.
Strange is … my favorite?
He casts spells (are they scientific experiments?)
like hes doing theSoulja Boy dance!
Bucky BarnesWho gaveCarter Baizenthe permission!
He ready to step out of Captain Americas shadow with a scruff ready forGQcover.
I respect this hustle.
Captain AmericaSo what will Steve Rogers beard say at my funeral, now that its killed me?
Captain America himself wont be saying much did he have even two lines inInfinity War?
so its up to this magnificent beard to do the talking!
This beard is a blessing, and basically steals the show.
Its full enough to draw attention, but enough steps belowThe Revenantso we dont have to be concerned.
This beard works: Its thicc, brown, and down to clown!
Not unlike … well, me.
Steve Rogerss beard, you areInfinity Wars MVP.
Now, politely, turn your location on.
