American Idol
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Its not where you want to be, even as a tourist.
To see giddy, stardom-drunk teenagers skipping around the vicinity like its the rink fromXanaduis kind of priceless.
You know what Paul Newman and Ingrid Bergman never had to contend with at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion?
Auntie Annes Pretzels, thats what.
Wind Beneath My Wings is the shadiest song in history and its not trying to hide it.
Youd have to be a sociopath to find meaning in these lyrics.
You were content to let me shine, thats your way!
Fifteen-year-old Alyssa Raghunandan, a.k.a.
Alyssa Raghu, sang WBMW so well that its possible shes Hannibal Lecter himself.
You cant sing, It mustve been cold there in my shadow and feel good about it!
Its a mean song for mean people who want to feign niceness for four minutes.
His version of Dont Close Your Eyes gave us perfect pitch that felt like a scalp massage.
Did I shudder when he looked into the camera afterward and deadpanned, I made it through.
Im going on to group rounds and then potentially world domination?
I felt a medieval chill.
And thats another Hutchinson-brand thing Ive learned to accept.
For a goofy kid who islegitfunny, his voice has a confessional, sultry quality.
It makes me want to murmurwigat different volumes until I figure out his X factor.
Her version of Come Together has a stomp-along, family-band vibe, which fits her Jan Brady neckerchief aesthetic.
Like his audition, he sounds half-good and half like Bela Lugosi haunting us from the grave.
Hes out, and we didnt even get see him feign crush reciprocation on Catie for even a millisecond.
Shes a queer woman with a wife in the Army and a devastating voice.
Dennis Lorenzo, Thinking Out Loud
Imagine needing to hear this song again.
And yet, here we are with Dennis Lorenzo, whose urgent vocal performance reinvigorates this supermarket favorite.
People fall in love in mysterious ways (do they?)
and Im blown away to realize I could stand to hear this performance a few more times.
Such a standout in terms of command and charisma.
Lets inspect their merits.
The first item up for bids?
This revival of soul.
Well start the bidding at one WIG.
Isnt that unbelievably wild?
Also onboard isVictoria McQueen, potentially my No.
1 pick from the audition rounds with her hip-swaying ebullience.
From a business perspective, its the right choice.
Most other popular auditions linger in the six-figures range.
Lets keep this in mind as the chanteuses of season 16 disappear much faster than the gents.
(It currently has half the views of the Soul 4s.)
Definitely the best girl group name of the 21st century and, yes, I rememberIsyss.
I love everything about it.
And their performance which is hindered slightly by a nervous, magenta-haired Crystal Alicea churns with camaraderie and vivaciousness.
Almost accidentally, they seem like a real group.
Cant say that about any other performance tonight.
And right after a tearful Crystal says shed take the cut (!
), Katy declares she was joking.
Scream it at a stranger.
Im ready for the hurt!
