American Idol

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In one blustery episode,Idolwhittles its guest list from 50 to 24.

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Here are the yippy youngsters who make the cut.

Dont worry, well follow up with a brief requiem for the songbirds left behind, too.

retry next year when this show moves to CBS, guys!

Or the year after when it lands on VH1 Classic!

Youll get your shot.

She has the ebullience of Punky Brewster and the guileless bewilderment of St. Reba.

Shes gonna strut and wag a finger and yell, Welp!

and sigh, How bout that?

and laugh, I darn near burped!

I kept picturing Liza Minnelli watching and getting the vapors and screaming, Tommy Tune!

Tonight, we got to witness a bit of Michaels performance of You Oughta Know.

Honestly, this song is more of a touchstone for me than theCabaretnumber.

I think hed have nailed Uninvited!

I continue to be impressed with Katys ability to be critical and quippy without self-aggrandizement.

Her authority onIdolreaffirms her professionalism.

Its refreshing to see and almost educational, which is something I never thought Id say aboutIdol.

She tries a little too hard to dance and bop and cavort, and that antsiness makes her distinct.

Michelles effortful spunk is endearing, and heres hoping that charm keeps ballooning.

Catie Turner: Rise of the AdorkableThere are high-school band geeks.

Then there are the high-school band geeks groupies, perhaps in the color guard.

Im still not onboard with her.

Her obsession with announcing her own awkwardness is time-consuming.

And if it didnt pay off, I had a hell of a bunch of fun doing it!

Why are so manyIdolcontestants concerned with telling us they had fun?

Its not about your fun!

you’re free to have fun later.

I long for theAmerican Idolwinner who says, I hate performing, but Im amazing at it.

This is a job, not a roller rink!

She lets the lyrics guide her vocals, which is a rarer situation onIdolthan I want it to be.

She has a subtle commitment to quality, like a menswear designer or Catherine Keener.

Even her post-performance smile seems timid, which is both charming and a little worrisome in the giantIdoldome.

Im not okay, Kay Kay.

And thats … okay.

Its a sophisticated look for a show where you might have to hawk a Ford Fusion on eviction episodes.

Im curious whats in this competition for Amelia because shes got that snappy, smirky something I like.

It … didnt really sound like a song?

But she doessiiiiing, and every wig in the joint melts and vanishes and drops out of school.

Well, maybe well find out together.

Thats all you’re free to ask for in anIdolaudition story.

Right now, thats the only thing on my dream board for him.

She has thatRegan MacNeilquality, if you know what Im saying.

Caleb Lee Hutchinson: Scotty McRetreadThis country kid with his contented eyes and low-key wisdom.

Hes a teenager, but he seems ready to giveBen Johnsons monologuefromThe Last Picture Show.

Hes the second coming of Scotty McCreery, but he doesnt scare me, so thats a step up.

Hell need some extra horsepower to take on the giants of this competition, but who knows?

Maybe a shuffle and some heel-clicking will do, too.

Shed make a fantasticAmerican Idolwinner.

I dont care if you like the Rod Stewart or James Ingram version!

Yeah, he was no powerhouse, but he didnt need to be.

Hed have nabbed a Top 10 spot with his fitted flannels and sleepy strumming no problem.

You heard Seacrest: 100 million people watched his audition.

BTS is shaking in their little jeans.

Laine Hardy: The Shy Off-RoaderIll be straight with you: This is kind of unthinkable!

Laines squinty, boyishly gritty stage presence seemed destined for a Phillip PhillipstypeIdolascent.

His swoopy little haircut is perfect!

I suppose in an age of Caleb Lee Hutchinsons, sheepish country vocals have no place in the competition.

But Ill miss himandhis rad 40s-detective name.

He has mechanical ability to sing, and thats enough for this competition.

Theres a difference between deserving the title of American Idol and deserving a scholarship.

Katy sussed that out expertly.

Noah Davis: Notorious W.I.G.Nooooo!

Zuckermans Famous Wig!Wig.

Hes eliminated following an unwatchable performance of You and I.

Also out: Victoria McQueen (Ugh!

Bring on the semifinals and the first death-drop of Ms. Ada Vox, yo!